Sex in the time of coronavirus is a funny thing.
At the start of lockdown 1.0, sexual health charity The Terrence Higgins Trust instructed those in the nation not living with a partner to masturbate their desires away ('Your best sexual partner during the Covid-19 pandemic is yourself', it said.)
The halcyon 'rule of six' days saw one of the most awkward government briefings throughout the pandemic, in which questions were fielded regarding the intricacies of who can get down with whom, and when.
And now, research from dating app comparison site Datingroo – yes, there is a platform dedicated to breaking down the pros and cons of Tinder versus Hinge – shows that searches for dogging and cruising locations are up 85%, according to data collected from sites that deal in such matters. In 2020, it seems that public sex is the new black.
This phenomenon may be a result of people tapping into existing but unrealised fantasies. Indeed, in 2019 social psychologist Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,000 Americans about the stuff of their erotic dreams. For 81% of men and 84% of women, public sex was an arousing idea.
So what is it about having sex out in the open that is so alluring? To find out, WH spoke to Silva Neves, an Accredited Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist.
Why do some people enjoy public sex?
Women's Health: First off, could you give a broad definition of ‘public sex?'
Silva Neves: 'Public sex' refers to any type of sexual activity that is being, or could be, watched/ witnessed by others not involved in the act. It includes having sex in sex clubs when others watch, having sex outdoors, in car, in an office, 'dogging', or sexual performance on a stage or on film. 'Public sex' usually involves people who have a kink for exhibitionism and the people watching a kink for voyeurism.
WH: Could you say something about the different types of public sex?
SN: The most important thing is to be clear about what 'public sex' is acceptable – and what is an offence. Having public sex in a sex club or a swingers club where there is explicit consent that the sexual act is going to be watched by others is good. But as you'll be aware, exposing sexual acts to others without their consent can lead to prosecution. It also applies the other way around too – it is an offence for someone to watch others in intimate situations without the their consent.
If you have a strong kink of exhibitionism or voyeurism, it is best to engage in it safely within a consensual setting where it is legal: usually in a sex club or a swinger's place. Or one can invite a voyeur in their home to be watched having sex with their partner. Sometimes some prefer to have sex with others and being watched by their partner.
Some people enjoy having sex with the thrill of the possibility to be seen, such as having sex near a window. For some people this is very arousing, but there is still an element of risking offence.
WH: What is the motivating factor(s) for sex in public?
SN: 'Public sex' and the kink of exhibitionism is very common and popular. One of the common factors that brings much sexual arousal for people is what we call 'Violating Prohibition' – meaning to go for things that are taboo. As we grow up, we are socialised to keep the intimate parts of our lives private and to keep sex in the bedroom, behind closed doors. Therefore doing the opposite can be extremely sexually exciting for some people.
For others, the erotic potency is the thrill of either getting caught, or getting away with not being caught. This is what some people call the 'naughty' element of sex. The kink of exhibitionism is more or less strong depending on people. For some people it is only minor, wanting to be watched very occasionally, whereas for some others it is so strong that it is the preference in most sexual activities.
Some people find being watched highly pleasurable because they perceive being watched as an affirmation of their good looks, good body, and also of their sexuality being seen, appreciated and validated.
WH: Some public sex locations – say, plane loos – seem more popular, or more spoken about, than others? Why might that be?
SN: With plane loos, it's because it is one of the most quirky places and most difficult place to have sex in. First of all, it is really obvious if two people walk in a plane loo, and the space doesn't give much opportunity for good sex. Because of the very obvious difficulty to actually doing it, it becomes more exciting and more talked about.
This is due to The Erotic Equation: Attraction + Obstacle = Excitement. Sex is attractive, the obstacle of the near impossibility to have sex on a place makes it even more exciting than sex in a swingers club. Sex in a lift is also hard to achieve and it is another one that is talked about and exciting, and disproportionately seen in movies.
WH: Do you think there any ‘standard profile’ of someone who enjoys sex in public?
SN: The only 'standard profile' is the ones who have a kink in exhibitionism. It is important to note that kink in exhibitionism is not a problem nor a mental disorder, as long as it is done consensually. It is common in all genders, ages, relationship status and sexuality diversity. As I explained above, some people have varying degrees of intensity for their kink. Some people don't have the kink for exhibitionism but want to do public sex once or twice just to spice up their sex lives. That is good too.
WH: What would be your advice to a person who does see the thrill of public sex, and wants to partake?
SN: I would say to take it one step at a time to figure out what type of public sex is more thrilling than others for them. Do they want to be watched by people they know or strangers? Do they want to have public sex with their primary partner, friends or strangers? Do they want to do it in their own home or in a club/ resort?
It is important for them to be clear that some public sex is illegal (sex in public places where people could be seeing them without consent) and could be prosecuted as a result. The danger of being caught can be a spice for some people's sex lives but it is risky and not advisable. However, there are many ways that they can indulge in their exhibitionism kink safely, in a swingers club for example.
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