A Friendship Rocked

I have had a close friend for 20 years. Our husbands have been friends since kindergarten; we double-dated in college. Eventually, our husbands returned to their hometown to start a business together. We live a street away from them, and our children are best friends, too. A year ago, my friend and I hit a bump in our relationship. I was sure we would weather it with some distance and time. But then a couple more incidents cropped up with our children; now, feelings are hurt. We both reach out, but seem to feel conciliatory at different times, so we are not mended. What do we do?
ANONYMOUS
We all get crabby now and then, and a little space can be a big boon for folks who seem to spend as much time together as you and your pal. I’m sorry it hasn’t done the trick. Given your statement about ill-timed conciliatory gestures, let’s also assume both of you have made sincere apologies.
That leaves you with an option to be used only sparingly: the dramatic gesture. Make a mix tape (or playlist, as non-ancient people call them) that celebrates your friendship. Include “Together Wherever We Go” from “Gypsy,” “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from “Toy Story,” and The White Stripes’ terrific “We’re Going to be Friends.” Add more, to taste, then deliver to your old pal with an invitation for a girls’ night out.
If the sheer silliness (mixed with the big-heartedness) of your gift does not snap your friend back into the saddle with you, it’s hard to imagine what will. A few thoughts: Don’t use your first date to rehash the past. Get back on solid ground first. You may need to establish new ground rules for your friendship eventually. But it takes 20 years to make 20-year friendships. We can’t afford to be careless with them.