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Truth & Character Thursdays

Unattractive Qualities

Bad Tempers


They say that seeing your less-than-desirable traits in your children is difficult. They can act as a mirror - one that we don’t really want to look into.

My youngest daughter - she is almost 1.5 years old - she has developed quite the bad temper as her little personality has started to emerge.

Don’t get me wrong, she is the sweetest, most beautiful girl with a smile that could melt anyone’s heart…but when that temper comes out…watch out!

My husband and I both say that it’s like that mirror - because we both have a temper. 

It’s a quality that we have worked hard at taming because having a bad, explosive temper is not a helpful or attractive quality at any point.  Reacting poorly to situations from anger does nothing positive for a situation. It only amplifies the problem.

So what do you do if you struggle with a bad temper?

My best advice is to learn some new skills to cope with your emotions. Feeling angry is not wrong - but how you act based on those feelings is where we get into trouble.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to seek professional help for your strong reactions. Professionals like counselors or therapists are able to help give you new tools in your toolbelt so that you can better navigate your emotions and how you respond. 

Some key tools to put in your toolbelt? Learning to take some deep belly breaths and learning to walk away when necessary are my top two!

Have you ever gone to seek professional help for your temper?
 

Recommended Book

Letting Go of Anger

Dec 01, 2009
ISBN: 9781458747457

Interesting Fact #1

Anger is not inherently bad. While anger pits in the stomach, the emotion itself is not inherently bad. Men, women and children experience anger differently. Whereas children most often feel anger from the perspective of frustration–they can’t have what they want when they want it–adults get angry when they feel out of control. Anger itself isn’t a bad or even a dangerous thing, but it always needs consideration. As with any emotion, understanding why it is felt is the first step to reaping its benefits.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #2

One benefit of anger is motivation. When we feel that emotion that riles us up, we also feel motivated. At first, knowing how best to act is difficult, but in time the emotion of anger can drive us to create something innovated to solve a problem. While we can all relate to anger as a result of injustice or pain (like when a lover cheats or a boss promotes another worker), we don’t always realize that stress and taking on too much can cause angry outbursts. The body and mind sometimes work together to tell us we need to cut back at work or find more time to relax. Motivating ourselves to enjoy life more and stress less is one of the best benefits of anger.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #3

Humor can diffuse anger. Realizing that life is stressful is only the first step. Actually, the realization is more like lacing up the shoes than even taking that first step. The first step comes from the understanding that anger is an emotion that men and women feel differently, and anger does not have to control us. The simple act of laughing at anger can diffuse it. In an argument, one person can defeat the mounting anger with a joke. I wouldn’t recommend a stand-up comedy act to diffuse a dangerous hostage situation, but when your coworkers can’t agree on a project, trying to diffuse the situation with office antics can help everyone get focused.

SOURCE

Quote of the day

"A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough." -Bruce Lee

Article of the day - How to Own Your Short Temper and Stay in Control

You find yourself stuck in traffic when a hasty driver cuts you off. Before you know it, your blood pressure has spiked and you impulsively yell an obscenity out the window.

This kind of scenario happens to everyone at some point. Frequent outbursts that escalate quickly, though, may be a sign that you’re dealing with a short temper.

You’re probably at least somewhat aware of how your short temper affects those around you. But being quick to anger can also affect you in surprising ways and take a toll on your health.

Fortunately, short tempers don’t have to be long-lived.

 

What a short temper looks like

The first step in managing a short temper is learning to recognize the symptoms. These anger episodes generally come on with little to no warning.

They tend to have symptoms that are both physical and psychological, such as:

  • rage in the form of yelling and shouting
  • chronic irritability
  • heart palpitations
  • racing thoughts
  • loss of control

 

How it affects you

A short temper can impact you in a range of ways. According to one 2010 studyTrusted Source, it can also contribute to making you more prone to substance use and overdoing it on caffeine.

Uncontrolled anger also triggers our body’s fight-or-flight response, which includes the release of stress hormones.

This frequent flood of stress hormones can eventually cause long-term health problems including:

  • insomnia
  • high blood pressure
  • headaches and stomach problems
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • heart attack
  • stroke

 

How to stay in control

Holding on to anger quickly drains your energy and can make everything in your life seem bleak.

The following strategies can help you get a better handle on your temper.

Practice mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness into your regular routine can help you better understand and control the reactivity that often drives a short temper.

The next time you feel your temper rising, try this exercise:

  1. Find a quiet room and a comfortable place to sit.
  2. Close your eyes and notice the physical sensation of anger travel through your body, whether it’s through your rapid heart rate or your clenched jaw.
  3. Inhale deeply and allow all thoughts of anger to release as you exhale.
  4. Repeat 2 to 3 times per day or whenever you start to feel anger arise.

Refocus your energy

Come up with some concrete strategies for dealing with situations that you know will trigger your temper.

If you know your daily commute tends to set you off, for example, set aside some time to focus on alternative options. Waking up earlier to catch an emptier train or carpooling with a coworker might make all the difference.

Even if it doesn’t resolve the situation immediately, turning your attention to problem-solving can give you a greater sense of control and keep you from blowing up.

Get physical

When you start to feel your blood boil, work it off with an exercise session. Go out for a quick run, play a sport that gets your heart pumping, or swim a few laps in the neighborhood pool.

Regular physical activity is an effective way of increasing self-control and immediately calming your mind and body.

Use a daily mood chart

Track episodes of anger and irritability by keeping a daily record of your moods. You can do this in a notebook or even download one of the countless mood-tracking apps available for your phone.

To get an extra clear picture of your moods, try to also take note of your intake of caffeine or other substances, quality of sleep, stressful situations or conversations, and any underlying emotions like fear or disappointment.

 

When to get help

A short temper can also be a sign of an underlying condition like depression or intermittent explosive disorder (IED), which is characterized by impulsive and aggressive behavior.

If your anger has become overwhelming or is causing you to hurt yourself or those around you, it’s time to find professional help.

Here are some signs to watch for:

  • physical violence, like slapping, pushing, or shoving
  • punching walls, breaking plates, or damaging property
  • assault or domestic violence
  • threats
  • self-harm or thoughts of suicide

Reaching out to a mental health expert can provide the right treatment and help you find ways of managing explosive anger. A psychiatrist may also recommend medication for anxiety or depression.

If you’re with someone who is expressing anger by becoming violent or abusive, your safety may be at risk. Remove yourself from the situation. Protecting your own safety is your first priority. Reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800−799−7233 for extra support.

 

The bottom line

Having a temper from time to time is a normal part of being human. When anger comes on at the drop of a pin, though, it can cause chaos in your relationships, health, and overall well-being.

Question of the day - Do you struggle with a bad temper? What has helped you the most?

Unattractive Qualities

Do you struggle with a bad temper? What has helped you the most?