Career & Finance Fridays

“I think women should have choices and should be able to do what they like, and I think it's a great choice to stay at home and raise kids, just as it's a great choice to have a career. But I don't entirely approve of people who get advanced degrees and then decide to stay at home. I think if society gives you the gift of one of those educations and you take a spot in a very competitive institution, then you should do something with that education to help others... But I also don't approve of working parents who look down on stay-at-home mothers and think they smother their children. Working parents are every bit as capable of spoiling children as ones who don't work - maybe even more so when they indulge their kids out of guilt. The best think anyone can teach their children is the obligation we all have toward each other - and no one has a monopoly on teaching that.” ― Will Schwalbe

There was a time I believed that pregnancy was hard. There was also a time I felt raising one child was difficult. Having since delivered my second baby, I’ve also realized that life with two littles is definitely challenging. However, I never knew that getting back to work after two kids (both under 5) would be the most exhausting experience of my life yet, both physically and emotionally. 

Over the course of the last three years, I have found that it’s most rewarding when I am able to effectively manage my time between work and home. By being true to certain rules I implemented and now religiously follow, I have found a balance that works for me and may work for you too.

Walk out the door 

When you walk out the door in the morning to get to work, close the door behind you and carry your mind along with your body. This is not as easy as it sounds, but there is no point in worrying yourself sick about things at home. There will always be a sink to clean and laundry to fold and kids to attend to. If you do need to plan for some things, like lunches, doctor appointments or playdates, take out time specifically from your calendar and do so, rather than allowing these thoughts to consume your whole day. Thoughts of your to-do list that you can’t do while you’re at work, take away from your focus and are not worth the effort you made in actually getting there in the first place.

Lower your standards

I know you have the highest standards for the care of your kids, and you won’t settle for anything else. High standards have their place (especially when it comes to safety) but they can also lead to  disappointment when things don’t go the way you imagined or hoped for. Whoever is caring for your children while you’re at work, will do some things differently from you. 

Accept it. As long they’re safe and cared for, it’s OK if certain things aren’t done the way you would do them.

Your kids will be fine as long as you trust your carer to have their best interests at heart.

Separate your worlds

You’re a mom 24 hours of the day but when you step into the office, it’s a chance to put on a different hat. I know you miss your kids and you’d rather be with them than anywhere else in the world. When you’re at work, let your mind be in work mode. Let conversations be about your passions or your hobbies It’s a reminder that you could be something else along with being a mom, and that there is more to you.

Remember the ultimate truth

You are the mom. When I first went back to work and my kids were cared for by someone else, I was surprised by how jealous that made me feel. What if they don’t love me as much? I was so upset. 

You will always be their safe place, their best friend, their confidante, their everything. They’ll always  look for you when they need support. And guess what? They know you’ll be there for them, just like you always have been.

Chuck the guilt

You are carrying enough on your shoulders. Don’t add on to it by taking “guilt” along with you wherever you go. Don’t carry it to the office, don’t pick it up when you work late, don’t take it to meetings—don’t give it a home in your heart. Look beyond and see what you are doing for your kids and what lessons they are taking from you. They are learning what it means to work hard, be responsible, committed and honest in all that they do. At the end of a long, hard day, don’t be the guilt-ridden mom, just be there for your babies and simply be MOM..

Juggle like it’s your other full-time job

You probably have to live a whole day, if not more, in the mornings, before you even leave for work. Wake the kids up, get them ready (a 3-hour job you manage in 10 minutes), pack school bags, make breakfast, simultaneously get yourself ready and then, drop them off and get yourself to work. 

Whether you have a partner sharing these responsibilities or not, you will need to rush through several tasks in a very short time. I use some shortcut methods such as brushing my teeth in the shower and applying shampoo and conditioner simultaneously, rather than step by step. The night before, everyone’s clothes are laid out for the next day and lunches are ready to go in the fridge. 

Plan, plan, plan to plan

Make planning so innate that it becomes second nature to you. I have a menu pinned  on my fridge every Sunday so I don’t have to think about what’s for dinner every  evening. It also allows me to do my grocery shopping for the week in an organized manner. My husband and I plan extra-curricular activities and other outings for the kids for the weekends, when we can do laundry and we even schedule a time to plan. As obsessive as it might sound, it works wonders for us in keeping our lives more organized and our minds less flustered.

Look at the bigger picture

There will be days when you will fail. Expect it, be ready for it. There are days when I feel my life is falling apart. There are days when I fail to meet deadlines at work, end up picking the kids up late, scream at cranky children for throwing tantrums, pick a fight with my husband for no apparent reason and go to bed with shame and guilt in my heart and tears in my eyes. 

But one thing I’ve learned is that the night will end, another day is coming and how that day goes is up to me. There will be more good days than bad, and when I look at the picture of our life, it’s beautiful.

Lead with love 

Your job may not be your passion but, whether you like it or not, embrace the reasons why you’re doing it Then, do the best you can. 

 Pour into your partner since he’ll be beside you through the highs and lows of life—when work is hard and parenting is even harder. He’ll be there when the children have left, your work days are over and you’re both older and wiser

Love your kids and embrace the time you have with them.  

Having it all and handling it all can be hard, but, in the end, love will find a way.

Employment & Career

If you’ve already returned to the workforce after being home with kids, what advice would you give to someone who is just at that stage?