Being honest with yourself can be painful but highly rewarding. When honesty meets your willingness to change, there is no telling the ways you can grow and improve.
Honesty is a huge part of self improvement and overcoming delusional thinking about ourselves.
If we aren’t honest, then we can’t expect to learn and grow as individuals – we have to be willing to recognize reality for what it is before we can change it.
When we are dishonest, we only choose to see what we want to see, but we ignore what we don’t want to see. This may provide short-term happiness or relief, but in the long-run it’s unhealthy and destructive.
Being honest with ourselves can sometimes be painful, but it’s a necessary component to long-term happiness and success in our lives. Here are key ways you can become more honest with yourself.
Acknowledge both the good and bad in your life
One common way we delude ourselves is by ignoring the “bad” aspects of our lives. Sometimes it’s easier to turn a blind eye to our problems rather than confront them face-to-face.
The simple truth is that ignoring problems in your life doesn’t fix them. It can even make things worse in the future – because when we aren’t honest about our problems they can grow out of control. Then what started out as a small problem can become a much bigger problem.
Be honest about both the “good” and “bad” going on in your life right now. Cultivate a mindset of radical acceptance toward everything that happens to you, by seeing it as it is, rather than pretending it is something else.
If you can do this – and you can learn to see things as they really are – you’ll be in a much better position to actually improve the areas in life you have control over. But without this initial acceptance, you’ll never be able to make a change.
Take time to reflect
Just take 5-10 minutes every night to reflect on your day. Ask yourself questions like, “How did things go today? What did I do right? What could I have done better?”
Be honest with yourself – but not too judgmental or critical. The goal isn’t to hurt your self-esteem, but to take the information you’ve absorbed throughout the day and use it to improve tomorrow.
Reflection plays a key role in becoming a smarter thinker and learner. Studies show reflection can improve problem-solving and creativity.
When we give ourselves time to look back and analyze the events of our day, we can often walk away with greater knowledge and insight into what we need to work on more and how we can improve ourselves.
Cut off all the distractions – turn off the TV, music, or podcast – and just spend some healthy time with your mind.
Admit it when you make mistakes
One of the most painful things about being honest with ourselves is admitting when we make mistakes.
Often times we try to protect our egos by coming up with excuses or blaming others for our problems. However, true self-esteem can only be found when we are comfortable and honest about our mistakes, failures, and short-comings.
Only a person who admits their mistakes can learn from them and correct them. That temporary pain is a necessary part of the self-improvement process.
You can dive deeper into your past mistakes by writing about your failures. That will help you digest the experience and find a way to channel it into something more healthy and constructive.
The bigger the mistake, the more potential growth you can gain from it.
I really believe that.
Overall, admitting your mistakes both to yourself and/or others helps you move on from your past, find closure, and put your best foot forward for the future.
Pay attention to your feelings
We all experience emotions – and they play a central role in how we see ourselves and understand ourselves.
To be truly honest with yourself, you have to accept your “emotional self.”
One central idea behind emotional intelligence is understanding that emotions aren’t the opposite of being “intelligent” or “rational,” but rather they are a different type of intelligence that we all must learn.
Emotions are powerful signals that can help guide our thoughts and behaviors, especially when we understand where they are coming from.
While sometimes emotions can be misleading, they can also be very revealing. When we question our feelings and ask ourselves the true causes behind why we feel the way we do, we can learn what thoughts, actions, and situations cause us to feel a certain way.
This knowledge gives us a better understanding of ourselves and how to best respond to our emotions given the situation.
Find someone you trust to be open with you
To get a richer picture of ourselves, we sometimes need an outside perspective.
A close friend or family member can often protect us from our “blind spots” – aspects about ourselves that we don’t typically think about or never paid attention to. Every now and then you need someone you trust who can call you out on your bullshit when you need it. Having a good friend like that can help keep you straight and accountable.
If you want a completely outside perspective, find someone who isn’t a part of your life at all that you can speak to, such as a therapist, counselor, or coach.
They can often provide new insights that even your friends and family may not notice. Plus, they can offer a fresh perspective that isn’t “tainted” or “biased” by knowing you in the real world.
That’s why honesty is one of my core values when I do self improvement coaching. You have to be completely honest with me AND I have to be completely honest with you if we want to see real self-change and self-growth.
Avoid over-thinking and self-blame
A big part of self-awareness comes through self-analysis, but we have to be careful not to get too carried away and over-analyze every little thing that happens to us.
Excessive thinking (or “rumination”) is a key symptom behind many mental health problems, including anxiety and mood disorders.
During difficult times, I know I would spend hours every night just thinking about things I had zero control over, trying to figure out my past, and not getting any sleep.
Being honest with yourself isn’t about trying to find the “meaning” behind everything that happens to you – or blaming yourself for everything – sometimes bad things happen to good people for no good reason..
It’s easier to accept the facts and let go, rather than trying to find the “grand meaning” behind certain events in your life.
The real meaning of your past comes from what you decide to do after it.
If you’re going to think about something, think about that.
Know when to trust your gut
The better you know yourself, the more you can begin trusting your gut and intuition.
This requires a deep self-awareness, but the more you master your intuition, the easier it is to see when your feelings are guiding you in the right direction vs. when your feelings are guiding you in the wrong direction.
With practice, you can learn the difference between an “impulse” (mindless reaction) and your “intuition” (fast pattern recognition).
The more you listen to your gut and the more you understand how it works, the more you can use it to your advantage when making choices in life.
Accepting what you don’t know
Another necessary part of being 100% honest with yourself is being aware of your limitations and ignorance. This includes recognizing our imperfect knowledge and understanding that you don’t know everything.
Being honest about what we don’t know keeps us humble and realistic. Often times when we assume we know everything we act in stubborn and irrational ways. We also ignore evidence that may contradict our current beliefs.
Understanding our limitations keeps us open to new information and knowledge.
This also allows us to be more flexible with our beliefs and modify them when we learn something new. There’s a wisdom in ignorance if you’re willing to acknowledge it and adapt to it.
Honesty takes practice
Honesty is something we need to practice on a daily basis.
We don’t just become completely honest with ourselves overnight; for many, such as myself, it’s a never-ending process. It takes constant self-awareness and vigilance.
Being honest with yourself can be painful but highly rewarding. When honesty meets your willingness to change, there is no telling the ways you can grow and improve.
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