Why We Seek Sex

Wired for Sex

“We are programmed to do so,” sex therapist Richard A. Carroll, associate Northwestern University psychiatry and behavioral sciences professor says. “Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior.”

The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, according to University of Hawaii psychology professor Elaine Hatfield. “Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is ‘wired in’ in order to promote species survival,” she says. “Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be ‘appropriate’ reasons for having or avoiding sex.”

What’s Your Motive?

Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences:

• Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person


• Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge


• Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, or gratitude


• Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex