Many of us have goals and dreams that we are striving towards, whether it be to improve our finances, relationships or health etc.
We often feel most motivated at the initial stage of goal setting, but after a while, the novelty often wears off and we begin to self sabotage.
Are You Prone To Self Sabotage?
Do you tend to quit prematurely without giving things enough chance?
Are you a sceptical person and find yourself feeling mostly doubtful and lack confidence?
After a few days of healthy eating, do you maybe have a tendency to binge eat and eliminate all the hard work you put in at the gym?
After feeling really motivated in your job, career or business, do you find yourself feeling defeated after a while and begin to put in less effort after facing challenges?
After a few months of dating, do you stop making so much effort because you may feel you are not good enough for the other person?
If any of these resonate with you even remotely, you may be prone to self sabotaging yourself.
A Vicious Cycle
This is very common in our society today. Examples of this include binge eating, inability to stop smoking, yo yo dieting, staying in abusive relationships and quitting other bad habits.
These are huge problems a lot of us face and really struggle to get out of. It’s a vicious cycle and can be very debilitating because the cause of the struggle is actually within ourselves and when we feel we have no control of something we should have control over, we seriously doubt ourselves which create even more doubt and self limiting beliefs the longer this cycle is prolonged. If our sabotage was caused by something from the external world, we would most likely be more satisfied, knowing that it is something that is outside of ourselves.
The Truth About Why You Self Sabotage
Self sabotage can be detrimental; this is why people self harm and even commit suicide.
Those who have a tendency to self sabotage have simply formed certain beliefs about their identity within themselves and if reality does not meet their beliefs about themselves, they harm themselves.
As humans, we all have a sense of identity that we impose on ourselves.
Our self image determines how we show up in the world and this affects every aspect of our lives, from the types of career path we choose to the type of spouse we want to attract.
For example, if you see yourself as someone who is a leader; someone who does not like to be micro managed; an entrepreneur, will you be likely to work in a job for someone else?
If your self image is of someone who is undeserving, inferior and lacking in confidence, will you be able to believe that you will be able to maintain the running of a business, despite having all the tools and knowledge to do so?
The truth is, having the tools and knowledge isn’t necessarily enough to maintain or even achieve success. The mindset, psychology is truly the foundation of all successful people.
Our Fear Of Inconsistency
As humans, we often adhere to the law of familiarity.
We feel safe, comfortable and like consistency.
It’s what we’re familiar with, and often resist venturing out to the unknown because an inner conflict appears.
We naturally tend to want to remain consistent with who we are, our values and ultimately our perception of ourselves.
This is why certain types of people repeatedly seem to do exceptionally well in many things because they have a strong self image of themselves and will not settle for less than what they feel is align with who they are.
Similarly, there are also certain types of people who seem to have a tendency to come up short, fail and eventually self sabotage even if they experience some success.
The Importance Of A Strong Mindset
Information is so accessible and many of us already have the knowledge on how to lose weight and stop smoking, for example.
So why do we self sabotage if we know we are ultimately harming ourselves? The “how to”, the “mechanics” is said to be only around 20% of achieving results, whilst around 80% is the psychology, the mindset.
Even when we achieve success as a result of following the “how to”, without conditioning a strong mindset, any results will most often be temporary and short term.
Self sabotage comes from when we feel we are undeserving, lacking and inadequate in some way.
We feel we are not entitled to something so when it is given to us or if we achieve even a little bit of success, we automatically revert to our old habits because we are conditioned to believing that this is how we are.
Naturally, our minds feel uncomfortable and we will automatically want to revert back to our “comfort zone” and be back in a place where we feel “normal”.
Why You Feel You Can’t End Your Self Sabotage
People like to stay consistent and true to themselves for the most part, and so anything that is not align with this consistency will create a conflict.
This is why motivation doesn’t last. It’s because it’s a source that we are constantly seeking from the external world.
It gives us a temporary boost but it is not something that remains with us unless we intrinsically have an unshakeable belief in ourselves that we deserve to achieve certain results.
Smokers find it very difficult to quit smoking not necessarily because of the physical addiction they may experience, but because they believe that is part of their identity, that’s what they are used to.
Similarly, people that have an addiction to binge eating, for example, may have a firm belief that they are and will always be overweight, and so that any weight loss they may have is not something they feel they deserve.
For those that are consistent in achieving goals and mastering the process, it is often because of their self identity is of a particular type.
For example, someone who has been an athlete all their life will label themselves as an athlete and will consistently train intensively and consistently because they believe this to be true, their identity.
You Have The Power To Stop Self Sabotaging
The good news is self sabotage is something that can be destroyed for good. You have simply come to tell yourself a story that’s based on a set of limiting beliefs, most likely with references to support them.
If you see yourself as someone who is deserving of being a millionaire, has been a millionaire and knows how to become a millionaire and lost a significant amount of money, do you think this person will settle for any less than a million pounds?
This person will be resourceful no matter how much money they lose and will always find a way to become a millionaire again.
If you see yourself as being a loyal person, and hold this value at the highest level, how likely is it that you will be disloyal in a relationship?