How to STOP!

How to stop cutting and self-harm tip 1: Confide in someone
If you're ready to get help for cutting or self-harm, the first step is to confide in another person. It can be scary to talk about the very thing you have worked so hard to hide, but it can also be a huge relief to finally let go of your secret and share what you're going through.

Deciding whom you can trust with such personal information can be difficult. Choose someone who isn't going to gossip or try to take control of your recovery. Ask yourself who in your life makes you feel accepted and supported. It could be a friend, teacher, religious leader, counselor, or relative. But you don't necessarily have to choose someone you are close to. Sometimes it's easier to start by talking to someone you respect-such as a teacher, religious leader, or counselor-who has a little more distance from the situation and won't find it as difficult to be objective.

When talking about cutting or self-harming:

Focus on your feelings. Instead of sharing detailed accounts of your self-harm behavior focus on the feelings or situations that lead to it. This can help the person you're confiding in better understand where you're coming from. It also helps to let the person know why you're telling them. Do you want help or advice from them? Do you simply want another person to know so you can let go of the secret?

Communicate in whatever way you feel most comfortable. If you're too nervous to talk in person, consider starting off the conversation with an email, text, or letter (although it's important to eventually follow-up with a face-to-face conversation). Don't feel pressured into sharing things you're not ready to talk about. You don't have to show the person your injuries or answer any questions you don't feel comfortable answering.

Give the person time to process what you tell them. As difficult as it is for you to open up, it may also be difficult for the person you tell-especially if it's a close friend or family member. Sometimes, you may not like the way the person reacts. Try to remember that reactions such as shock, anger, and fear come out of concern for you. It may help to print out this article for the people you choose to tell. The better they understand cutting and self-harm, the better able they'll be to support you.

Talking about self-harm can be very stressful and bring up a lot of emotions. Don't be discouraged if the situation feels worse for a short time right after sharing your secret. It's uncomfortable to confront and change long-standing habits. But once you get past these initial challenges, you'll start to feel better.

Not sure where to turn?
If you're not sure where to turn, call the S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line in the U.S. at 1-800-366-8288 for referrals and support for cutting and self-harm. For helplines in other countries, see Resources below.

In the middle of a crisis?

If you're feeling suicidal and need help right now, read Suicide Help or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. at 1-800-273-8255. For a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit Befrienders Worldwide.

Tip 2: Identify your self-harm or cutting triggers
Understanding what triggers you to cut or self-harm is a vital step towards recovery. If you can figure out what function your self-injury serves, you can learn other ways to get those needs met-which in turn can reduce your desire to hurt yourself. Self-harm is most often a way of dealing with emotional pain. What feelings make you want to cut or hurt yourself? Sadness? Anxiety? Anger? Loneliness? Shame? Emptiness?

If you're having a hard time pinpointing the feelings that trigger your urge to cut, you may need to work on your emotional awareness. Emotional awareness means knowing what you are feeling and why. It's the ability to identify and express what you are feeling from moment to moment and to understand the connection between your feelings and your actions. Feelings are important pieces of information that our bodies give to us, but they do not have to result in actions like cutting or self-harming.

The idea of paying attention to your feelings-rather than numbing them or releasing them through self-harm-may sound frightening to you. You may be afraid that you'll get overwhelmed or be stuck with the pain. But the truth is that emotions quickly come and go if you let them. If you don't try to fight, judge, or beat yourself up over the feeling, you'll find that it soon fades, replaced by another emotion. It's only when you obsess over the feeling that it persists.

Tip 3: Find new coping techniques
Self-harm is your way of dealing with unpleasant feelings and difficult situations. If you're going to stop, you need to have alternative ways of coping so you can respond differently when you feel like cutting or hurting yourself.

If you self-harm to express pain and intense emotions, you could:

Paint, draw, or scribble on a big piece of paper with red ink or paint
Start a journal in which to express your feelings
Compose a poem or song to say what you feel
Write down any negative feelings and then rip the paper up
Listen to music that expresses what you're feeling
If you self-harm to calm and soothe yourself, you could:

Take a bath or hot shower
Pet or cuddle with a dog or cat
Wrap yourself in a warm blanket
Massage your neck, hands, and feet
Listen to calming music
If you self-harm because you feel disconnected or numb, you could:

Call a friend (you don't have to talk about self-harm)
Take a cold shower
Hold an ice cube in the crook of your arm or leg
Chew something with a very strong taste, like chili peppers, peppermint, or a grapefruit peel
Go online to a self-help website, chat room, or message board
If you self-harm to release tension or vent anger, you could:

Exercise vigorously—run, dance, jump rope, or hit a punching bag
Punch a cushion or mattress or scream into your pillow
Squeeze a stress ball or squish Play-Doh or clay
Rip something up (sheets of paper, a magazine)
Make some noise (play an instrument, bang on pots and pans)