If I could gouge out my eyes so never to see pain and hurt again...
I Would.
If I could cut out my tongue and stitch my lips so I could never say another mean thing..
Oh I know I should.
If I could stab my ears so never again to hear another hurtful word of this world...
I would penetrate them in a second.
I have seen to much of things Ive never asked to see,,
I've said so many mean things I never wanted to say but had no control.
I've heard so much and keep them secret never to be muttered again.
I think about this place but not as much as I think of other places beyond earth.
I think about what I've lost which far out weighs the gains.
It think about my sister and son and long for their touch, the sight of them and their giggles. That they are in the vast universe with Huckleberry waiting.
I awake every day with a new hope of peace to be compassionate and endearing and by night fall, I'm hopeless knowing that will never happen. So hopeless that I realize I wont miss this place as everything I loved here is ingrained into my memories.
The whispering wind,
The water splashing to the shores,
Rustling trees swaying and growing with life,
The earth evolving and all the energies that it expels that connects all things.
The sounds of each animal and their purpose
The songs of each bird their happiness and full of love if you listen to them all, really listen look and feel,
You understand their purpose and respect it.
I ask my purpose and the validation to this life and I'm lost in the silence of my own otherwise chaotic mind it's at that moment I realize what ever purpose I had died long ago as did any desire. I've just spent my whole existence fooling myself while looking for a god that I knew never existed.
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