There's such a wide range of ways that people approach parenting. Strict, helicopter, best friend, lenient, etc., and whichever style is chosen to raise a kid with will impact them in ways many people probably can't even fathom in the moment.
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So, I decided to get specific and ask the people of the BuzzFeed Community to tell me about their experience with their strict parents and how they think it impacted them in adulthood. Here's what they had to say:
1. "Although at the time I hated it, I actually appreciate it now. A lot of my friends who had 'friends' as parents do not lead the best lives and struggle with making good decisions. I'm glad I had a curfew, had to ask permission for things, and was taught to respect my parents and their decisions, which helped significantly in my adult life. I also learned to accept the consequences of my actions and the meaning of 'work hard, play hard.' Thanks dad."
2. "I really wasn’t ever allowed out of the house for anything that wasn’t sanctioned by my parents (school, church, etc.). I couldn’t go to friends’ houses, I couldn’t go to sleepovers, and I couldn’t hang out with friends after school, but people were allowed to come over. I don’t know if it was like an extreme form of being protective, but to this day, I worry an insane amount about people liking me."
"I have to make sure I can do things I’m invited to, even if it’s a financial burden, because I don’t want them to think I don’t want to be there, and in turn, they don’t want to be my friend. I’m also very aggressive now with my husband about things like 'I’m going out; I’ll be back later' because it’s a freedom I have that I didn’t before, and I know I should have more consideration. They really did a number on me."
3. "The pressure to perform to their standards was very intense. I was grounded for the slightest infractions starting in middle school — no phone calls, no seeing friends, and they took away activities I loved that would have ironically kept me busy and out of trouble. I remember when my mom tried to force me to try out for the high school dance team, but I was not a dancer and wanted to do musical theater instead."
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"I got grounded for a long time for skipping the tryouts and didn’t get to do theater that semester. I rebelled hard as a teenager, and I’m very lucky that I lived through that stage. It took a very long time to repair the relationship with my mom. Now I’m a parent too, and I try very hard to make my expectations clear, encourage my child to become their own person, and I work to avoid battles over little things that don’t really matter, like clothes."
—Anonymous
4. "I had to learn how to stand up for myself and say no because I wasn't allowed to as a child. I was also extremely politically correct and fell into people pleasing often. While I've gotten better at those things, the thing I struggle with the most now is my perfectionism. I always had to be perfect, no matter what. Growing up, whether it was my appearance, hobbies, or academics, I was criticized."
5. "As I grew up, I had very strict parents, and I understood why they were strict because they had been lenient with my older sister, and that had taken a turn for the worse. But it was hard never being able to do anything with my friends. Like if I wanted to go, for example, to a bible study at my church with my friends, I had to beg, and they would not take me. My friend's parents had to also ask and offer to drive me."
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"But they also made me dress like it was the 1830s or something, while all the other girls had the cutest, nicest-fitting clothes. I wore overly modest clothes, if that makes sense. But if growing up with strict parents taught me anything, it taught me to be sneaky. While my friends were just given social media and phones, I had to figure out how to hide it from my parents, how to sneak out, and how to have a poker face so that they never caught me. But now seeing everything, I can thank them for being strict because it was for my own good, but there has to be a limit to how strict you are, or else you just make your kid miserable."
—Anonymous
6. "My parents were extremely strict about where I went, who I went with, and what time I came home. Honestly, it made me incredibly sneaky and a really good liar. I wish they would’ve trusted me more, because I would’ve been much more honest."
7. "My parents were super strict and it has definitely impacted my life. They taught us to be responsible, orderly, respectful, always tell the truth, administer what we have (money, toys, food, time), never overspend but also not to be miserable, always help those in need, respect our elders, do not gossip, be grateful for what we have and take nothing for granted, and always, always stand by our principles, no matter what."
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8. "Growing up with strict parents had a profound impact on me, especially in how I navigate decision-making. From what I wore to what I ate, and even who I could spend time with — everything was controlled. As an adult, I struggle immensely with decision-making, even with simple choices. I find myself frozen, relying on others to decide for me."
"It's as if the lack of autonomy early in life left me uncertain about trusting my own judgment. Seeking validation from others or deferring to them has definitely become a default response. It's an ongoing challenge to break free from this pattern and regain confidence in my ability to make choices independently."
9. "I’m so grateful I had strict parents who had expectations, routines, and consequences for things. Now, as I work in an elementary school, these are things that kids these days are lacking big time. So I will forever be grateful that I had parents who raised me 'strictly.'"
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—Anonymous
10. "I learned to lie a lot and became stupidly good at it. The thing is, I'm not sure if my parents were just that oblivious or chose to not deal with a punishment or admit their kid was a bad kid. I also want to add that I feel like their rules made me a better parent."
"Kids will find a time and a place to have sex. Period. Instead of policing them every second of every day, educate them so that when it DOES happen, they're doing it safely and consensually. I got myself into a lot of stupid situations because of their rules and my need to break them."
11. "My childhood was stricter than most, but overall happy. Mostly, I thought my limitations were odd and ostracizing, but not really cruel or anything. For some of my toddler and school-age years, I was only allowed TV on Fridays. We only listened to certain radio stations (classical or oldies), but no rock. Shorts had to reach the knees. No spaghetti straps or bare midriffs (which, in the '90s, cut out a LOT of options). No school dances (although I weaseled my way onto the junior/senior prom planning committee, so I had leverage to be allowed to attend, which I did)!"
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"I was not allowed to watch TV shows that included witchcraft of any kind. I remember as a high schooler, I found a certain movie about a young wizard on a major family network television station, and since my parents weren't home, I decided to watch it. They came home midway through and stopped in their tracks. My mom asked, 'What are you watching?' When I told her, she said I could choose to either turn it off or choose to finish the movie and be grounded. I decided to finish the movie. I was grounded, but I don't think it lasted that long. I laugh about it now because she does NOT remember it, and now she and I have both read all of the corresponding books in the magical series. I think some of my limitations made me self-conscious and made it more difficult for me to make friends. To this day, I'm still really far behind on pop culture from the '80s and '90s, but thank goodness for the internet!"
—Anonymous
12. "I grew up with an extremely strict mother. My dad was more laid-back, but boy did my mother compensate for that. I wasn't allowed a real phone, no socials, no revealing clothes, etc. These may not seem all that bad, but it got to the point where I would be sneaking onto social media and wearing revealing clothes in secret."
"Growing up, it felt like a constant power struggle between my mom and me, and she was never willing to give me any respect. It still impacts me; I feel as though I have to be sneaky even now. I also don't trust as much due to the way my mother abused my trust and treated me like a baby into my late teens. Strict parents raise sneaky kids."
—Anonymous
13. "I am NEVER late to anything. My dad was obsessed with curfew. If I was supposed to be home at 10 and I got home at 10:01, I wasn't going out for a month. Every minute equaled a month. Heaven forbid, I got stuck behind a traffic accident."
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"No cell phones and not being able to easily call home meant the cops on the scene might be knocking on my car window because my dad had called the police department by 10:15. As a result, I'm ready to be anywhere at least 45 minutes early, usually an hour. Right now, it's 9:52, and I have to be at work at 11:30. It takes 10 minutes to get there, but I'm ready now, and I'll leave in about an hour."
14. "I think it made me too reliant on external voices for too long. I didn’t trust myself to follow my own path because it felt like disobedience. I’ve worked through a lot of that and still am, but I feel more confident in myself now."
—Anonymous
15. "I was never allowed to relax. If I wasn't studying, then I should be working on a volunteer project, practicing piano or ballet, or doing chores. If I was just reading a novel, I would get told to do something productive. I still have a hard time relaxing; I'm always thinking of what I 'should' be doing instead. But more importantly, I have no idea what I enjoy. I wasn't allowed to just enjoy anything during my formative years, so...I don't."
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—Anonymous
And finally, this person shared their experience with their strict parents and the deep realizations that hit them because of it:
16. "I had strict parents on several measures: no drinking, ABSOLUTELY no smoking or vaping, no sleepovers, they had to know where you are, you had to be doing either a sport or an art, and no dating until 16. I didn’t really have a curfew, but I didn't go out that much. They were reasonable for nights like prom. I was given a curfew, but it was like 3 a.m. I was annoyed about the sleepover thing as a kid, but I actually do get it now. I’ve heard horror stories."
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"I could go to sleepover parties and get picked up around midnight, then dropped off for breakfast, so there was a bit of compromise. I’m sure I missed stuff, but somehow all my friends stayed friends with me. We could have sleepovers with our cousins at our grandparents’ house, and that was awesome. They also had high expectations about school, but they made sure to clarify that the expectation was that you did your best, and if your best was less than an A, they were still perfectly satisfied and proud. They just insisted that I work hard. Anyway, I was probably a little less social and a little more stressed because of their intensity, but I think it also helped me learn to have my priorities straight. They had their extracurricular rule because they wanted me to have something different in my life besides school and to find something I enjoyed; they were willing to let me try anything (except football, lol, too many brain injuries). I mostly knew it at the time, but especially now, thinking back, I really don’t think I missed out on anything worth having."
—Anonymous
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