To Wake Up

To walk as any other day
browse among the berry canes
sift my fingers through the soil
walk bare footed on soft, cool grass
'hale the lilacs and cherry blossoms
admiring only pain and torment.
There is no beauty within me
clouds so dark and threatening
turbulence, upheaval, strife
the agony of living, desire for dying
I smell the lilacs, that's nice,
I state but cannot feel
the beauty all around me.
I dream of a time, even an instant
when I can walk, yes as any other day
but unfettered, unleashed from pain
from memories constantly relived
severed from source and allowed to grow
to inhale fragrances, discern flavours
to be the embodiment of beauty.