Heartbeat

“I can’t help anymore.

I’m sorry.”

The words are convincing

And her eyes show the same message

But

Still

It

Burns.

Especially after she hustles me out of her cottage

Like a pesky kitten

She no longer wants to keep.

So I am left to stand outside her house

Watching greedily as she welcomes

Others in.

I envy them, for I

Used to be

Them

To

Her, too.

She would welcome me in

But eventually seemed more reserved

In the welcoming.

As I gaze in her windows

Watching her love

Others,

Fury wells up in me.

I decide I want no part of this,

Even if she were to

Invite

Me

Back,

I would

Refuse -

I do not accept

Leftovers.

So I run.

Far away.

From her,

And everything that reminds me

Of her.

I run,

My bare feet slapping the dusty road

That leads to the sea.

I turn off the road and begin to climb.

The rocks dig into my feet, making them bleed, but I bite my lip

And press on.

What have I done?

Why has she turned me away?

Were all the times before fake?

Did she never really mean it at all?

I angrily swipe away a tear that has snuck down my cheek.

I will NOT cry.

Finally, I crest the top.

Somehow, my feet have led me to

His workshop

Yet again.

Why here? I don’t want to talk to Him!

He gave her to me, and then took her away.

No, I decide, I don’t even want to look at Him.

But somehow, I can’t make myself leave the hilltop.

I limp over to a cluster of boulders

To rest

And

Watch

The

Sea.

Waves going

In and

Out,

Like my thoughts

And the people in

And out

Of my

Life.

Finally, I bow my head and

Weep,

And immediately,

He is

There.

Engulfing me in His strong arms,

Pulling me close.

I let Him draw me in

And I cry into His

Chest.

I feel His tears

Raining onto

My head.

“Abba, why are you crying?”

“Dear One, I feel your sorrows. I carry your burdens, you know.”

Tears stream down His face freely, mirroring my own.

“Someone else left, Abba! No one ever stays, even when I think it’s real.”

“Dear child, I never leave. Some I place in your life only for a time.

But I will always stay.”

I gaze into His deep, gentle eyes and see He is not lying. He cannot lie.

And I believe Him.

I let Him pull me close once more.

Resting my head on his chest, I listen to his heart beat.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

I fall asleep in His arms, listening to the sound of One Who will

Never

Leave.