The cheater reputation is something which is based on the perception of what you can see, and not on the actual behavior. It is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, which works in a negative way because it’s easy to think “I know he’s doing it, but I don’t want to confront him about it because I don’t want to be seen as interfering.”
I know this from my own experience with John, who has never cheated on me and has not really been unfaithful in any significant way. But we had an argument over how to handle the possibility that he might cheat again and I was concerned that I would be seen as interfering if I suggested an approach that was more direct. It would have been easier for me to just say “Delete all your messages immediately, please delete all your messages immediately,” but that would have been annoying and we both knew it. Instead, I suggested a way of handling things that was less direct but still effective: wait until you see him cheating again before you do anything at all. And after a while, he accepted my point and things started feeling right again – until he picked up another girl who made it clear that she liked him more than me (in less than 24 hours).
That sort of thing happens all the time when people get involved in dating: sometimes people like them better than us, sometimes they want us around for no reason other than sexual attraction or convenience. You can try treating each situation as another one of these random occurrences or you can treat things as they are and let them be what they are – but let those situations come up naturally or not at all, rather than trying to manipulate them into being what you want them to be from the start. If there is any competitive advantage in manipulating them into being what you want them to be from the start then it isn’t worth having – so just deal with them as they happen naturally.
Sign #1: He's secretive about his phone
The first sign of cheating on your husband may be a lack of surprise. His cell phone is kept to a minimal amount, used only or rarely.
He usually doesn't use it for work or work emergencies (he might need to make a quick call or message). He might not even see the phone when it's in his pocket. It may seem like the number change, but there are other signs that he's not using it as much as he should.
The second sign is a constant stream of distracting texts and calls. They're too often coming from "the other woman," his ex-wife, who also happens to be his girlfriend!
It makes no sense why he would do this — but I've seen some men do this in my class and I've even seen them do it themselves! Why? Because they don't think about the fact that if their wife can find out about their affair with another woman, so can your marriage!
Sign #2: He's working late more often
This is the last of the he-said-she-said signs from your inbox.
You may have noticed that lately I've been talking about running out for dinner earlier and later in the evening. (I should add that if you are a stay-at-home mom, you're probably already doing this anyway.) So, I’ll just leave this here to serve as a reminder of some good habits to keep in mind:
1. He may want to talk late into the night but he doesn't want to be late getting home.
2. He may want to lay low for a few days and then come back online with a new schedule, but only when everyone else has gone home for the night.
3. He may be too busy with his own life and forget about yours for a few days, especially when you've been overworked lately and have had plenty of time on your hands yourself.
4. He might have forgotten about your anniversary or other special occasions because he's too busy taking care of his family or kids or whatever else is going on in his life at that moment.
5. He may be going out with his friends or not because he wants to spend time with you, even though they don't want him to do it because they already know he's going to be late getting home.
Sign #3: He's less interested in you
Say the most interesting things to a man.
Though we know that women have a much harder time getting a man to pay attention than they do getting him to answer the phone, it is still pretty creepy when he's texting you while he's on his cell phone, right? Of course, that's exactly what we've seen in at least two of our recent cases (the To Catch a Cheating Husband Cell Phone Sign and the Cheating Husband Cell Phone Sign).
We’ve had these two signs in our Twitter campaigns for over a year now. The first one is directly from an actual case of a cheating husband cell phone (and not just any cheating husband cell phone), but it’s impossible to tell because all it does is show up like most of your tweets. It’s also hard for us to tell whether this guy is cheating or not because his wife works from home and he has no interest in her at all. He probably doesn't even realize how strange it looks, either!
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