What Is Helicopter Parenting, And How Does It Impact Kids?

Helicopter parenting refers to an overprotective and very involved parenting style. Just like a helicopter hovers, so do these parents. They typically involve themselves in all aspects of their children's lives, sometimes to the detriment of the kids.

"These parents tend to be overprotective and worry excessively about their children," says Michelle M. Reynolds, PhD, a clinical psychologist and founder of LifeCatalyst: Therapy and Coaching. "They often micromanage their children’s schedules and intervene frequently to make things smoother for their children.

While helicopter parenting isn't always a bad thing, particularly when it's not taken to the extreme, experts caution that it could become problematic in the long run. Here, we break down everything you need to know about helicopter parenting, including causes, signs, and how to encourage independence in kids.

MADELYN GOODNIGHT

What Is a Helicopter Parent?

Helicopter parents pay extremely close attention to their kids' activities and schoolwork to protect them from pain and disappointment, and also to help them succeed. They're known to micromanage their children and become extremely entwined in every aspect of their lives.1 This intense focus can negatively impact a child's mental health, self-image, coping skills, and more.

Ann Dunnewold, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, says that helicopter parenting is simply over-parenting. "It means being involved in a child's life in a way that is over-controlling, overprotecting, and over-perfecting, in a way that's in excess of responsible parenting," she says.

The term "helicopter parent" was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott's 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager. A teen featured in the book reported that his mother watched over him like a helicopter. Similar terms include "lawnmower parenting," "cosseting parent," or "bulldoze parenting."

Helicopter parents "typically take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures," says Carolyn Daitch, PhD, director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit and author of Anxiety Disorders: The Go-To Guide for Clients and Therapists.

Overall, helicopter parents are proud to be so involved in their kids' lives and often don't see anything wrong with their style.

Examples of Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting often applies to caregivers who help high school or college-aged students with tasks they're capable of doing alone (for instance, calling a professor about poor grades, arranging a class schedule, or managing exercise habits). But really, helicopter parenting can apply at any age.

"In toddlerhood, a helicopter parent might constantly shadow the child, always playing with and directing his behavior, allowing him zero alone time," says Dr. Dunnewold.

In elementary school, helicopter parents might work to ensure a child gets a specific teacher or coach, select the child's friends and activities, or provide disproportionate help with homework and school projects.

What Is Your Parenting Style, and Why Does It Matter?

What Causes Helicopter Parenting?

Helicopter parenting can develop for many reasons, but there are common triggers.

Fear of dire consequences

Parents might fear their child's rejection from the sports team or a botched job interview—especially if they feel they could've done more to help. But according to resilience expert Deborah Gilboa, MD, of Ask Doctor G, "Many of the consequences [parents] are trying to prevent—unhappiness, struggle, not excelling, working hard, no guaranteed results—are great teachers for kids and not life-threatening. It just feels that way."

Feelings of anxiety

Worries about the economy, the job market, and the world, in general, can push parents to take more control over their child's lives to protect them. "Worry can drive parents to take control in the belief that they can keep their child from ever being hurt or disappointed," explains Dr. Daitch.

Overcompensation

Adults who felt neglected, unloved, or ignored as kids can overcompensate with their own children. Excessive attention and monitoring sometimes attempt to remedy the parents' deficiency in their upbringing.

Peer pressure from other parents

When parents see other over-involved parents, it can trigger a similar response. "Sometimes, when we observe other parents over-parenting or being helicopter parents, it will pressure us to do the same," says Dr. Daitch. "We can easily feel that if we don't immerse ourselves in our children's lives, we are bad parents. Guilt is a large component in this dynamic."

The Effects of Helicopter Parenting

Many helicopter parents start with good intentions. "It's a tricky line to find—to be engaged with our children and their lives, but not so meshed that we lose perspective on what they need," says Dr. Gilboa.

Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as feelings of love and acceptance, better self-confidence, and opportunities to grow. However, "the problem is that, once parenting becomes governed by fear and decisions based on what might happen, it's hard to keep in mind all the things kids learn when we are not guiding each step," Dr. Gilboa explains. "Failure and challenges teach kids new skills, and, most importantly, teach kids that they can handle failure and challenges."

The effects of helicopter parenting are widespread but may include consequences such as the following.

Decreased confidence and self-esteem

"The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires," says Dr. Dunnewold. "The underlying message [the parent's] over-involvement sends to kids is 'my parent doesn't trust me to do this on my own.'" This message, in turn, leads to a lack of confidence.

Undeveloped coping skills

If the parent is always there to clean up a child's mess—or prevent the problem in the first place—how does the child ever learn to cope with disappointment, loss, or failure? As a result, helicopter parenting can lead to maladaptive behaviors.

For example, a 2018 study in Developmental Psychology found that parents who are overly controlling can impair their child's ability to regulate emotions and behavior.2 Other studies have found that kids who experienced helicopter parenting had an inflated sense of self and impulsivity.3

Increased anxiety

A study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that over-parenting is associated with higher levels of child anxiety and depression.4 Researchers found the same was true for college students whose parents were over-involved.

Sense of entitlement

Children who have always had their social, academic, and athletic lives adjusted by their parents can become accustomed to always having their way, which can result in a sense of entitlement.

Undeveloped life skills

Parents who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, launder clothes, and monitor school progress—even after children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task—prevent kids from mastering these skills. Instead, parents should be helping kids learn how to survive and thrive without them.5

Hindered self-advocacy

Helicopter parents usually advocate for their children, rather than teaching their children to advocate for themselves. However, kids should be able to ask questions, gain clarification, and speak up when they need something. At school or in the workforce, these kids won’t have a parent available to help them deal with a challenging assignment or boss.

Remembering to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving our child's problems will help us build the resilient, self-confident kids we need.

— DEBORAH GILBOA, MD

Positives of Helicopter Parenting

While the term helicopter parent is often used in a derogatory manner, helicopter parenting isn't all bad. You can usually count on the children of helicopter parents to arrive on time, have their homework done, and be prepared for their activities. Their children tend to get lots of support and guidance with whatever is going on in their lives.

Likewise, helicopter parents tend to know who their child is with and how they're doing in school. And, if their child is struggling academically, they'll do what they can to support them. The same is true when it comes to illnesses, bullying issues, or mental health concerns. Helicopter parents will work tirelessly to make sure these issues are addressed.

The key, however, is being involved while still giving your child room to grow, learn new skills, and rebound from failure on their own.

How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting

So how can a parent care for their children without inhibiting their ability to learn essential life skills? Dr. Gilboa offers this advice: "As parents, we have a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our children now—their stressors, strengths, and emotions—and one eye on the adults we are trying to raise. Getting them from here to there involves some suffering, for our kids as well as for us."

In practical terms, this means letting children struggle, allowing them to be disappointed, and helping them to work through failure. It also means letting your children do the tasks they're physically and mentally capable of.

As Dr. Gilboa says, "Remembering to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving our child's problems will help us build the resilient, self-confident kids we need."