Without you, my love for you is
a crow cawing on an empty street
after rainfall.
On the morning of the day I gave birth
to you, the doctor told me my pains were false.
He said 'don't worry,' he said 'it's not time.'
By then, I'd had enough doctors tell me
what they thought about my pain to know better.
I cancelled my plans and I waited
while the pain of you swelled inside of me
Inside of me searing, I waited
for you to unstitch me, I waited and reveled
in agony. When it became too much I
unstitched myself so that I could meet you.
You came out of me with your mouth open,
you came out of me hungry. Hours after birth you
were still at my breast, you stayed at my breast until
the doctor said enough, and pulled you away.
Without you, my love for you is
not enough sugar in my coffee, is
a dress that almost fits but doesn't, is
one quarter short for the laundry
one minute late for the bus
a few pieces shy of the puzzle
that took a thousand days to craft
Without you, my love for you is
a sky, endlessly yearning to touch the
horizon
Without you, my hands are becoming
sand, unwilling to hold even themselves
together, if they can't hold you
Without you, my love for you is
a tall and ancient redwood
that has seen the whole world end
more than once,
and will again
Without you, I am shell shards
on an untamed shore
waiting for the waves to carry me home.
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