I know I was a bitch to you. The second I sent those texts, I knew I lost a friend. I know, you know, hell the other people close to what happens knows I told you “sorry” half a million times (if not more). I mean we both know “sorry” is just a word and we all know actions speak louder than words.
The problem with that is I can’t do anything. Hell, the texts weren't even coming from me, I mean I hit enter, but my highness came up with the words. If I was using my words you would have read things like you are not pretty, you're beautiful, or maybe if you need anything don’t hesitate to give me a buzz.
Friends are there for you on your good days and the real friends are there for the bad days. As I look back on sophomore year, where we first met, I wasn’t the best friend. I mean, we both know the drama between me and him didn’t make you happy. As I look back on junior year, the year I sent those texts that changed everything, I used up all my sorry’s. Now in senior year, I'm still trying to find a way to make it up to you. Heck, let’s be honest, in a month or two my name will be a distant memory in your mind. you won’t remember what I gave you every Friday. You won’t remember the chocolate doughnuts—with sprinkles and a plain bottom.
You won’t remember all the Reeses' candy I bought for you. You won’t remember those blueberry dum dums, that I dug thru the trash (kinda). You won’t remember that pizza I got during lunch and gave you a piece. You won’t remember the birthday card I hid in the bag because I was too scared to give it to you like a man. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because I remember. Call it what you want, but I might remember it forever. I know I shouldn’t remember it, but I do. To be honest, I don’t think I started being nice to Stacy, Sabrina and Garret because of the "I'm nice to people" motto. However, as time passed I did continue because of that motto. Back to the sorry topic, I knew no matter how many sorry’s I said you would never forgive me. Now, I might not know if you like sunrises or sunsets better, or if you’re a country or city girl, but I do know a few things. For example: you think those pink-frosted cookies are the best, your favorite sucker is blueberry, you don’t like chocolate bottoms, your birthday on the 24th of January. Might get a bit to personal but your life isn’t going to be perfect, where the fun in that. Sadly, you will experience sadness, disappointment, miserable, lonely and defeated but you are always going to have people looking out for you. People might not completely understand your situation but give them a chance.
To be perfectly honest I don’t know why I'm even writing this to you. I mean you probably stopped reading by now, that is if you even started reading this. By the way, don’t call this a love letter, because it really isn’t. really. You probably will, even though it isn’t. occasionally, I still buy you a doughnut even though you hate me. Maybe its just me being nice. Maybe I think it will make you give me one more shot at being your friend—even though I don’t deserve another shot. Maybe a higher power just for some reason wants me to do so. Who knows why. People say that every decision you make stays with you for the rest of your life, if so then I will have to be forced to live with the choice to hit enter that night. If I could rewrite that scene, I could, however, I can’t. I can’t undo my mistake that ended our friendship.
If only I could. You know I mean that. If I wasn’t, would I have said sorry so many times? When I ruined our friendship, I did more than that. I mean look at mine and Stacy’s and mine and Garret's. I think they would agree with me when I say our friendship ain't the same anymore. To be honest I don’t know how to fix things, but I’ll start with saying the word I have been saying, sorry. Words can’t start to describe how mad I am for hitting enter. If I could undo it I would it in a blink of an eye. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Did I man up about it? Yes. Did I say sorry half a million times? Yes. However, if you let a one bad decision ruin everything. Then there’s nothing I can say or do. I'm not saying everyone deserves a chance to clean up their mistakes, but I want one. I promise if you give me one more chance I won’t let you down.
Words can’t describe how much of a fool I was. I don’t know why I couldn’t just tell you the truth face to face. Maybe because how I compared to him. I just don’t compare to him. I could just end the letter here but since I know you stopped reading, I might as well tell you the truth. I liked you because your personality. I knew you and I would never have happened...
Comments