When Dara came out as gay at 15, her family shut her out emotionally. Sometime in her early 30s, she decided that she would have a birthday for herself for her “coming out day.” She enjoyed the experience so much that she decided to do this every year.
“It felt so good! It wasn’t just the party itself, but how I felt for days or even weeks after!” She explained, “It was like my depression was lifted; my self-esteem came back—it was exactly what I needed!”
Eric grew up in a family with 12 kids. His birthday was often forgotten. He swore that when he got older, he would have birthdays for himself without having to share with others.
Every year, he takes a trip on the anniversary of his sobriety. Sometimes for a weekend, sometimes just for an afternoon.
“It is my special treat to celebrate myself and remind myself what I have to live for,” he says.
Why Celebrate Ourselves?
It’s my birth month. Yes, my birth month. But before you roll your eyes, hear me out:
We are living in a stressful time; many of us are worried about major issues going on throughout the world and here at home. Taking time to engage in self-care is especially important for those of us who live in (or who grew up in) traumatic environments. Depending on our identity, we may receive negative messages from society that we’re not worthy of celebration. Thus, celebrating ourselves can feel like an uncomfortable—or even radical—act.
But for those of us who experienced family trauma and domestic abuse during childhood, recognizing ourselves in this way can actually be healing. It’s a reminder that we deserve joy, love, and recognition. By choosing to celebrate ourselves, we push back against the messages we received in our past that told us we were unworthy or insignificant.
Celebrating my birthday for an extended time is much more than an excuse to indulge in cake, although I do that, too. This is my time to focus on what brings me joy and to practice self-care. I fill my calendar with things that make me feel “alive.”
I also take this time to reflect on my journey. I think about where I’ve been, the challenges I’ve overcome, and the strength I’ve gained along the way. Many faiths and cultures use the ending of a year to reflect on challenges and prioritize goals for growth1,2. This same mentality can be applied to another annual celebration, tying the end of the previous year to the goals for the upcoming one.
How Can You Celebrate Yourself?
Celebrating ourselves is a way to reclaim the narrative that may have been written for us by others: a way to push back against families, communities, societies, or political and world stress. It doesn’t have to be a birthday. Pick an important date—perhaps the day you left home, graduation, the anniversary of your sobriety, or simply a day that feels special to you.
Here are 30 ideas for taking care of and celebrating yourself:
- Dedicate a day to pampering yourself: Take a long bath, read that book you’ve been meaning to, or indulge in your favorite dessert.
- Connect with friends and chosen family: Spend time with those who support and uplift you.
- Dress in affirming ways: Focus on what makes you feel comfortable in your body, your gender, and your identity.
- Plan a solo trip: Explore a nearby town or nature spot that you’ve been wanting to visit.
- Create a vision board: Gather magazines, scissors, and glue to create a board that represents what you want for your future.
- Host a game night: Invite friends over for a night of your favorite films or games. Make it a themed night with snacks that you love.
- Take a class: Try something new, whether it’s painting, cooking, dancing, or yoga.
- Treat yourself to a meal that you love: Either self-prepared comfort foods, or visit your favorite restaurant.
- Reflect on your journey and accomplishments: One year of sobriety? Six months since coming out? One month of no contact with an abusive family member? Celebrate yourself for what you have overcome.
- Create a relaxing atmosphere at home: Light candles, take a long bath, and use your favorite skincare products.
- Do something that excites you: Rock climbing, zip-lining, or kayaking can give a boost of adrenaline.
- Prioritize time for your favorite hobby: Spend the afternoon gardening, knitting, or editing your photography.
- Compliment yourself: Place sticky notes around your house that affirm positive things about yourself.
- Go see a movie: Take yourself to that movie you have been wanting to see, and don’t forget the popcorn!
- Treat yourself to breakfast: Try that new breakfast place downtown, or stop for your favorite latte or breakfast pastry on your way to work in the morning.
- Take care of your annual healthcare needs: The end of another year is a great reminder to schedule health scans, such as skin checks, mammograms, colonoscopies, glucose tests, and other annuals.
- Get that haircut you’ve been putting off: It’s OK; it happens.
- Schedule a nap: Pencil it into your planner like an appointment, and head to bed.
- Do a digital detox: Take a break from social media and technology to reconnect with yourself and your thoughts.
- Volunteer: Spend time at an animal shelter, campaigning, or volunteering for a cause you support.
- Have a solo hiking day: Bring your favorite songs or podcasts.
- Protect yourself: Cut ties with that family member or friend who is toxic and makes you feel bad about yourself.
- Splurge on some expensive underwear: There’s nothing like the feel of soft, new undies.
- Schedule sex: Making time to feel good, whether solo or partnered, is great self-care!
- Call that friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time: Plan a coffee or brunch date.
- Start a journal: Write down things you appreciate about yourself and your accomplishments for each day of the month.
- Practice mindfulness or meditation: Take time to connect with yourself and appreciate your inner thoughts.
- Curate your environment: Use positive affirmations, quotes, or art that uplifts you.
- Ask for support: Contact the therapist you have been wanting to meet with and schedule the appointment.
- Create a self-care box: Fill a box with items that bring you joy and comfort, like candles, tea, or favorite books.
References
Xue, Chen, "Chinese New Year: The Importance of Tradition and Impact of Governmental Regulation" (2020). Master's Projects and Capstones. 1022. https://repository.usfca.edu/capstone/1022
Hashanah, R., & Hashanah, R. (2019). Rosh Hashanah. A Collage of Customs.
Roxas, G. K. T. (2023). “Self-care is being attentive to yourself”: using assemblages to examine discursive-material practices of self-care among Filipino university students. International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-Being, 18(1). https://doi.org/10.1080/17482631.2023.2247619
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