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Relationships Sundays

Love, Dating & Marriage

Counseling

If you are struggling in your relationship, would you ever consider attending counseling together?

It seems to me that some people are on one end of the spectrum where they would NEVER walk through the doors of a counselor’s office. Then there are people on the other end of the spectrum who frequent the counselor’s office over every little blip on the radar.

I actually personally know people on both sides of the spectrum.

One couple that I know believes that they should have counseling for everything. They get counseling for their past, they get counseling for their current issues, and they get counseling for everything in between. This particular couple has spent thousands of dollars on counseling. At this point they are fairly newly married, so it will be interesting to see if all this counseling proves to be beneficial for their relationship.

Another couple that I know has never been to counseling, and in my opinion, they could greatly benefit from it. They’ve been together for years and have some very interesting (and difficult) dynamics in their relationship that would be well served to talk through with a counselor. They do not believe that they are the “type” of people who need counseling. They have this idea that counseling is reserved for the “crazy people.”

I tend to lie somewhere in the middle - I don’t think that a person needs counseling for absolutely everything, but that it can be a very useful tool to improve relationships when necessary. Sometimes we need an intermediary in a relationship who can help us to see the other person’s side. Sometimes we need to learn new skills to communicate better with each other. Sometimes we need a safe space to talk through very delicate issues.

I am of the firm belief that there is no shame in seeking help from a professional - so if you need some help in your relationship, seek some good counsel!

Recommended Book

Difficult Conversations

Aug 22, 2023
ISBN: 9780593511695

Interesting Fact #1

It is true that some people who have severe mental illnesses work with counselors to manage symptoms, but counselors also help people work through everyday problems like relationship issues, sadness, grief, and career transitions.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #2

It takes courage to call a counselor. Counselors help people work through many life circumstances, and they welcome all clients. Counselors hold a nonjudgmental space in which clients are encouraged to be open and honest about their situations so that counselors can gain a full understanding of what is going on and how they can best help.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #3

Both men and women can benefit from counseling. While it is true that women seek counseling more often than men, the amount of men seeking services has increased over the last 10 years, suggesting that men are becoming more open to counseling.

SOURCE

Quote of the day

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

Article of the day - Myths and Facts about Counseling

MYTH: Counseling is only for people with serious emotional problems.

FACT: Seeing a counselor does not mean that you are mentally ill or "crazy."  In addition to addressing more serious emotional problems, counseling can help with:

  • life transitions; adjusting to new surroundings
  • difficulty juggling school, work, family, and other responsibilities
  • academic problems, difficulty in test-taking and/or test anxiety
  • struggles with self-esteem, communication, or assertiveness
  • relationship problems

MYTH: Seeking counseling is a sign of weakness.

FACT: It takes courage to explore sensitive feelings and painful experiences. Individuals who enter counseling are taking a first step in resolving their difficulties.


MYTH:  Going to counseling means that I'm helpless.

FACT: Going to counseling is a way of taking control and helping yourself.  Talking to a counselor helps you examine your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in order to make changes to improve your quality of life.


MYTH:  If I go for counseling, the faculty or administration will hear about it.

FACT: The things you discuss with your counselor are confidential.  The contents of your counseling sessions are subject to strict legal and ethical standards of confidentiality and privacy. This means that counselors will not release any information, or even the fact that they have met with you, to anyone without your permission (includes parents, professors, friends, or school administration). There are some limits to confidentiality:

  • If a counselor believes that you are likely to harm yourself and/or another person, he or she may take action necessary to protect you or others by contacting law enforcement officers or a physician.
  • If there is cause to believe that a child has been or may be abused or neglected, the counselor is legally and ethically required to make a report to the appropriate state agency.
  • If there is cause to believe that an elderly or disabled person has been or may be abused, neglected, or subject to financial exploitation, the counselor is legally and ethically required to make a report to the appropriate state agency.
  • If your records are requested by a valid subpoena or court order, we must respond.

MYTH:  The counselor can prescribe medications for me such as anti-depressants for my problems.

FACT:  Counselors do not prescribe nor dispense medications - a medical doctor (a psychiatrist or a general physician) prescribes medication. Counselors may refer you to an M.D. who can provide more assessment and, if appropriate, medication.


MYTH:  A counselor cannot understand me unless s/he has had similar experiences or is of the same background.

FACT: Counselors are trained to be sensitive to and respectful of individual differences, including specific concerns of students with regard to gender, race/ethnicity, religion, age, sexual orientation, and socio-economic status.  Individual reactions to the same event or experience vary widely, but basic human emotions are the same across individuals and cultures. 


MYTH:  A counselor will tell me how to "fix" my problems.

FACT: Counseling is not a quick cure for your problems.  The counselor is there to help you explore your feelings, thoughts, and concerns; to examine your options; and to assist you in achieving the goals you have set.  The counseling process can help you work toward meaningful life change over the long term, in addition to helping you manage current difficulties more effectively. It will take effort and commitment on your part to make change happen.


MYTH:  Change will happen quickly.

FACT: Although counseling will not provide a ‘quick fix’ to your problems, many people do feel relief and improved mood after only a couple of sessions.  However, changes in thoughts and behavior often take time and energy to achieve.  Counseling can help you work toward meaningful life change over the long term, in addition to helping you manage current difficulties more effectively.

Question of the day - What do you think is the most beneficial thing to be learned from a counselor?

Love, Dating & Marriage

What do you think is the most beneficial thing to be learned from a counselor?