Relationships Sundays

“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” ― Jess C. Scott

50 Shades of Gray is not sexy. Access to data from an unpublished, random sample of 1,713 adults in the U.S. is sexy. Enjoy these insights about romance based on interviews conducted between January 15 to 18.

Try as you may, evolutionary perspectives will outpredict your competing perspective.

• It seems nearly everyone is in agreement that when it comes to romance, men should be more dominant than women
  • Americans report $43 as the average amount spent on a first date. Now you know why teenagers write better romantic poetry than adults (if they can't compete with cash, they can always compete with creativity).
  • Fourty-nine percent of people say the man should pay (vs. 51 percent in 2014), followed by whoever asked for the date (31 percent vs. 30 percent in 2014).
  • Only 14 percent believe the first day bill should be split (vs. 12 percent in 2014).
  • Only 1 percent of Americans say a woman should foot the bill (vs. 2 percent in 2014).
• Men are the real romantics, if by romantic you mean conspicuous spending when society is watching
  • This past Valentine's Day, men planned to spend an average of $380, up 28 percent from last year ($275 in 2014), compared with $213 for women (vs. $157 in 2014).
  • Almost half of men said Valentine's Day is an important time to celebrate one’s relationship, up significantly from last year (49 percent vs. 35 percent in 2014). only 33 percent of women feel this strongly (vs. 30 percent in 2014). The dominant sentiment for women is that Valentine’s Day is fun but not a major occasion (42 percent vs. 41 percent in 2014).

There are financial mishaps that ensure your first date will be the last. These include:

• Your date contests the bill (49 percent agreed—suck up the damage and spend the time that would have been spent arguing to gaze into your partner's eyes, watching for whether they lick their lips).
• Your date does not offer to pay for the tab (48 percent agreed—make the first move as givers tend to gain more psychologically and sexually than takers).
• Your date tips under 15 percent (40 percent agreed—do not miss opportunities to showcase your shared humanity/generosity).

Women and men tend to differ when it comes to romance and sex. When we are able to see human beings as they are, not as we want them to be, we will make greater progress in understanding our lives and those of others.

That being said, don't forget that cultural evolution outstrips the speed of biological evolution, and much is to be learned by outliers. Case in point, Kacy Catanzaro, who at 5 feet tall and 100 pounds, completed an obstacle course that thousands of the most athletic men in the world attempted and failed.

****the data presented are from the American Express Spending & Savings Tracker****

****Note: I received no financial compensation, I just love data****

****Note: I made it clear to them that it's time to start collecting data on non-heterosexual couples****

Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is a public speaker, psychologist, and professor of psychology and senior scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University. His new book, The upside of your dark side: Why being your whole self - not just your “good” self - drives success and fulfillment is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Booksamillion, Powell's or Indie Bound. If you're interested in speaking engagements or workshops, go to: toddkashdan.com

Love, Dating & Marriage

Are you more of a romantic or a non-romantic, and how do you like to express or receive love?