Having a different sex drive than your partner can be a tough obstacle to overcome. Of course, there is no magic number of times you should be having sex, but if you feel like you're just not enjoying sex like you used to or don't want to have sex as often than you used to, you might be suffering from a low sex drive.
While you won't know for sure what the culprit is until you talk with a doctor, these common reasons for low libido may point you in the right direction.
You're really tired.
Being too tired to have sex is an old cliche, but it turns out there may be more to it than we once thought. A study by the National Sleep Foundation found that one in four married Americans say they are often too tired at the end of the day to have sex with their partner.
A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine also found that lack of sleep can have a negative effect on your sex drive.
So if you want to get busy between the sheets, you've gotta get busy with your pillow.
You're stressed out.
If you're really feeling the pressure at work or you're beefing with a friend, your cortisol levels are probably high as a result of stress.
That cortisol is a total mood killer and may be suppressing testosterone and other hormone productions, making the thought of getting it on less appealing to you.
Your hormones are out of whack.
If you were born with naturally-low testosterone, whether you identify as male or female, you may have always had a low sex drive. Your doctor can test you to see if your hormones are imbalanced.
But sometimes it doesn't just happen naturally. If you're a person who takes birth control, switching pills or suddenly getting off a pill may be to blame.
While the pill has not been proven to affect sex drive, it can affect your hormones, and many people who have taken it report a sudden shift in how much they want to have sex.
In all of these cases, you can talk to your doctor to see if another form of contraception might be right for you.
You're depressed.
Additionally, if you are currently on anti-depressants, that can also affect your sex drive. But that doesn't mean you should stop treating your symptoms to get your libido back: You can talk to your doctor if you're concerned the medicine is the culprit and try to find a prescription that's better for you.
Your thyroid is off-balance.
If you have a thyroid disease or abnormal thyroid levels, that can take a major toll on your sex drive, according to several studies. Hypothyroidism can affect your metabolism, which in turn slows down your sexual hormone production.
It's important to have your thyroid levels tested when you go to the doctor, especially if you were assigned female at birth, to see if this might be the culprit.
You're not hitting the gym (or the yoga mat or the trail).
Getting the blood pumping in your workouts can help you get the blood pumping in the bedroom. A lack of exercise can greatly decrease your desire to have sex, Dr. William Kolbe, author of “The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation,” told INSIDER because it can affect your hormones.
“Being physically inactive, putting on extra weight, mental stress can all cause changes in our hormone production, especially the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen,” he said. “Testosterone has many functions, among them is maintaining sexual desire, our libido. When our sex hormone production is diminished or out of balance, then generally it becomes more difficult to find the initiative for sex.”
You're not eating well.
We all love a good piece (or three) of pizza, but if you're not giving yourself a balanced diet, your sex drive may be suffering a big blow.
Fried and salty foods can make you bloated, and if you've ever eaten a plate of french fries, you'll know that sex is often the last thing you want.
Studies have also shown that a balanced diet can increase your sex drive along with certain foods, so if you need a little boost, put down the corn dog and pick up the watermelon (who knew?).
You're not feeling yourself.
If you're not feeling good about yourself, you're probably not going to want to have sex with someone else. Your self-image might actually be plaguing your chances at a happy sex life.
“People harboring attitudes of low self-esteem, low self-worth, or lacking in self-love can easily lose interest in sex,” Kolbe said. “The mind is our foremost erogenous zone and if it is mired in negative or limiting self appraisals, feelings of not being worthy, then consequently people will regrettably choose to forgo activities such as sex that are stimulating and satisfying.”
If you feel yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself and your body, talk to your partner about how you can make yourself more comfortable during sex. Find a way to make yourself feel sexy again and, if need be, talk to a therapist about how to regain confidence.
You're dehydrated.
Chances are you've been bombarded with reasons to drink more water during the day, but here's one more: not getting enough H2O could be destroying your urge to get it on.
Lack of hydration causes headaches, and no one wants to have sex with a throbbing head. On top of that, lack of hydration can cause vaginal dryness which can make sex uncomfortable.
If you're just not feeling it, try sipping on an extra glass of water throughout the day and see if it does the trick.
You've started new medication.
If you've started a new medication, it can have an unintentional chilling effect on your libido.
In addition to anti-depressants and oral contraception, as mentioned previously, Beta blockers and ACE inhibitors can also be culprits, according to Dr. George, among many others.
If you're suspicious that your pills are to blame, take a peek at the side effects and talk with your doctor about what you can do about it.
You haven't been getting anything out of sex.
If you're not getting your needs met by your partner, there's really not going to be much motivation for you to want to have sex at all.
Think about what you'd like your partner to do that would make you more excited at the prospect of sex and ask them if they'd be comfortable doing it. Your partner should be open to finding some way to make sex good for you too, so talk it out.
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