hallways of a dollhouse

you asked me to think back a few years to my experience in high school
my mind moves to a million different places all in one moment and i imagine
a time when i had to muster up the courage just to march to the front of the room for a tissue
a time when raising my hand meant allowing the hungry eyes of high-school-aged lions to eat all that was left of my strength
a time when fear of making mistakes overpowered desire to learn from them
a time when making myself more noticed was in no way a priority because it involved mounting my many imperfections on the classroom wall for the masses to mark, examine, and critique
every year the school halls became an unseen jungle in which those with no previous reason to shelter themselves within the shade of the trees found an excuse to start doing so
it is not remarkable to discover that there does endure a herd of students who esteem themselves as more suitable for success than those that exist outside the pack, only in their surroundings
and sometimes the school halls became like those of my childhood dollhouse
every room and every corner filled with life-size barbie and ken dolls
and i sat with the handful of cheap off-brand figurines who always went unnoticed, or perhaps just ignored
the perfect painted faces of pretty porcelain dolls that pose as real women
proud to walk face pointed up because they seem to lack imperfections
paper thin smiles looking down on people whose appearances are unpolished
as if their pretentious and pompous personalities place them higher than those they deem unpleasing to their patronizing eyes
the chiseled counterfeit bodies of crafty carnivorous boys who pose as real men
congesting the crowded hallways in efforts to advertise their fake confidence
crisp glares that coerce other boys to conceive themselves as less than or secondary
acting as if catcalling, callous talking, and creeping eyes over the uncensored curves of a young girl’s body
are required to confirm their manhood
you asked me to think back a few years to my experience in high school
my mind moves to a million different places all in one moment and i imagine
a time when i managed to stand up from my desk and march to the front of the room for a tissue
not once fearing what the masked faces of my classmates were musing in their dark and underdeveloped brains because unlike them, i knew that halloween only came around once a year
and just because they could dress up like men and women, didn’t mean it would earn them the title