Jan 22, 2017,01:05pm EST
5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People's Success
Mental strength trainer and host of the Mentally Strong People Podcast
Shutterstock
Jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone experiences. If you're not careful, however, jealousy can grow into resentment and bitterness. And those destructive emotions could lead to a vicious downward spiral.
I've seen this happen countless times in my therapy office. Clients feel as though they're not measuring up in life because they can't compete with their friends and co-workers. Soon, they grow consumed with hostility because they feel like they're not getting their fair share.
Social media seems to amplify resentment. Spend two minutes scrolling through Facebook and it's easy to become convinced your friends are happier, healthier, and wealthier as they post their latest vacation photos and announce their good fortune. But studies show envying your friends on social media leads to depression.
Whether you envy a co-worker who got a promotion, or you’re resentful that your boss drives a car you can’t afford, resenting other people’s success is bad for your health, your relationships, and your career. It’ll drain your mental strength and hold you back from reaching your greatest potential.
Here are five ways to stop resenting other people’s success:
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
It’s easy to look at social media and think, “My family doesn’t have that much fun together,” or “My house isn’t nearly as nice as my friends’ homes.” But life isn't meant to be a competition.
Drawing comparisons between yourself and other people is like comparing apples and oranges. Your journey is unique and it’s important to honor your individuality.
Whenever you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else's life, remind yourself you're not in a race. Your job is to do your best with what you've been given, regardless of what those around you are doing.
2. Reframe your scarcity mindset.
Thinking opportunities are scarce leads to a “Lord of the Flies” mentality. That’s why companies try to convince you products are in short-supply—so you’ll gobble them up before anyone else does.
But, just because your neighbor is wealthy doesn’t mean he's taking money away from you. And a co-worker's promotion doesn’t mean you can't have a good job too. You may need to look at other companies or other departments, but there's more than one perfect job out there.
It’s easy to get caught up into thinking that everything is a once in a lifetime opportunity or that other people’s success means you can’t succeed too. But in reality, very few things in life have a limited supply.
One thing that is limited, however, is time. And every minute you waste resenting someone else’s success is 60 seconds you give away.
3. Look at the big picture.
No one has a perfect life. But, the small snapshot you’re seeing may look more glamorous than it really is—especially if you’re looking at someone’s life on social media. Just because your co-worker earns more money or your neighbor is more attractive, doesn’t mean that person has a charmed life.
Rather than staying focused on someone's good fortune, zoom out and keep things in proper perspective. You don't know what hardships someone else may be experiencing. Even if an individual doesn't appear to be struggling on the outside, you have no idea what sort of mental battles that person may be fighting.
4. Don’t judge what’s fair.
Sometimes, it’s tempting to make generalizations based on what we think is fair in life. She didn’t deserve that raise because she doesn’t work as hard as I do. He doesn’t deserve to have a successful business when he treats his employees like dirt.
The truth is, life isn’t always going to be fair—at least not in the way you view fairness. Insisting you deserve more and someone else deserves less wastes your time and energy. Accept the things you can’t control and focus on being the best version of yourself, without keeping score.
5. Create your own definition of success.
It’s hard to be resentful of someone when you realize they’re not running the same race as you. In fact, you can celebrate their accomplishments when you view life as an opportunity to cooperate, rather than compete.
Write down your definition of success and know your values. Recognize that other people are working on their own accomplishments. Their achievements don’t have to diminish or minimize your own.
Keep your eyes on your own path to success. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. Try to become a little better every day and you’ll feel less threatened by other people’s achievements.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and the author of the best-selling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.
Comments