How To Stop Feeling Guilty

Welcome to Hard Talk. I'm Isaiah. You're here for the hard truth and I'm here to give it to you. No one other than you can make you feel bad about yourself. When feelings of shame, guilt, or self-pity crop up in your own life, you must work to destroy them as quickly as possible. The key is to not feel bad about feeling bad. This will only create a vicious cycle of resentment and sadness that will pull you down in life. Instead, you must acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself, over and over again if necessary, why your feelings are unfounded. You are not supposed to go through life feeling bad about yourself. Nothing good can come from it. In fact, studies show that feeling bad about yourself, whether it's through guilt, shame, or self-pity, gives rise to a variety of destructive behaviors and negative psychological symptoms.

Now a few years ago, during my first semester of college, I was miserable. I moved 3,000 miles away across the US to go to college, leaving my family, friends, and even my girlfriend behind. I felt like I made a selfish and foolish decision. I felt bad about leaving, like I had let the people closest to me down. I spent every night talking on the phone with someone at home. I sent email between classes, too. Then when my midterm grades came out, I was shocked to see that my grade point average was 1.2, 1.2. Now I'm no dumbo, so this hit me hard. I felt even worse. It wasn't until I stopped feeling sorry for myself and feeling bad about leaving home that I was able to get my grade point average back up and my life back together again.

Look, your life and what you do with it is in your hands. Never let anyone make you feel bad about who you are or the choices you've made. In particular, there are three things you should never feel bad about. Never feel bad about other people not liking you. Never feel bad about refusing to get sucked into other people's drama. Never feel bad about leaving people behind to make something for yourself. One-third of the population will like you no matter what. One-third can be convinced to like you. One-third will never like you no matter what you do. You need to learn to ignore these second two groups of people. No one has a 100% success rate making friends. Some of the people in your life, no matter what you do, will never like you. Don't feel bad about it. Instead, accept it. Own it.

The hard truth is some people won't like you on purpose. They will try to use your desire to be liked and your guilt of not being liked to manipulate you. The only way to keep this from happening is to ignore those who don't naturally enjoy your company. Second, never feel bad about ignoring other people's drama. Too many people let themselves feel bad about other people's problems far too easily. They hear some sob story and then feel ashamed of themselves for being better off than the person telling the story. They feel guilty for not being able to solve the person's problems.

Here's the problem with that. A lot of people like having problems. They like playing the victim. They like the attention that it gives them. These people don't want you to solve their problems, so stop trying. Stop caring. If someone asks you for help or needs to vent, great, be there for them. If they're just complainers who enjoy being miserable, cut them out of your life and don't look back. Third, stop feeling bad about leaving other people behind to make something happen for yourself. The best thing you can do for your life is to step out on your own and face new challenges. Whether you want to be a successful business owner, artist, author, inventor, or whatever it might be, the act of creating value will add value back into your life.

When you take initiative, when you become a better person, it pays off. You also make the world a better place to live in even if you have to leave others behind to do it. Besides, in the long run, your self-directed action will inspire others to take self-directed action too. Courage is contagious. Forget about the people who lash out at you for leaving them behind. Changing your life will make others uncomfortable. So what? That's their problem, not yours. Never feel bad about stepping out and being original. Set the agenda for your life without guilt and without apologies. Do this and you will live a more confident and focused life. Until next time, live like a lion.