How to Forgive When it Hurts

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How do we forgive those who have hurt us? This video teaches what forgiveness is NOT, how we should forgive and why we should forgive others who have hurt us deeply.

How to Forgive When it Hurts
How do you forgive someone who’s hurt you when everything in you wants to hold on to the pain?

Okay, so before we answer the question “how do we forgive” I want to quickly suggest that…
• Forgiveness does NOT mean the absence of pain (Joseph and his brothers). When you’ve been hurt it’s absurd to think that you will no longer experience the pain of what happened. The pain can and often times still will be there without the bitterness.
• Forgiveness does NOT mean reconciliation – When God says forgive it doesn’t mean you need to get back into a relationship with this person. It doesn’t mean you have to give them more chances to hurt you.

No, forgiveness simply means “to let go of the anger towards someone who has done something wrong: to stop blaming”

But the real question is, “how do we do that has hurt us?”

1. Trust God to Deal with them – Rom. 12:17 – Forgiveness is actually an act of faith (most people don’t connect the two) – – When we choose to hold on to anger, bitterness and thoughts/plans of revenge what we are saying is that that we don’t trust that God is going to deal with them fairly and so I must maintain control and take matters into my own hand and make sure they get what they deserve. (God I don’t trust that you saw the injustice that was done to me and that you are going to do anything about it. So because you aren’t or you’re taking too long I must punish this person myself…making sure they get what they deserve)

2. Clearly communicate how the person has hurt you (this is not always possible)
o Releases you of this heavy weight that you’ve been carrying inside of you
o You may be helping the other person from committing the same offense to someone else because the truth is they may not even be aware of how deeply they’ve hurt you because they’ve moved on with their life (relationship, marriage, city, church, etc.)
o Opens the door for possible reconciliation.

3. Pray for them – Matt. 5:44 – If you can get to the point where you can pray for them that means that you have gotten to the point where you want the absolute best for this person’s life which means you no longer secretly wish evil upon them. It means you can celebrate when God blesses them instead of hating on them (Prov. 24:17). One of the ways of helping you get there is to start praying for them (and don’t pray that God curses them…lol).

4. Stop talking negatively about them – James 4:11 – This is the EASIEST way for you to tell that you have NOT yet forgiven someone. Because when we are angry towards people we want everyone we know and everyone they know to also be angry with them and so we defame their character without them being present to defend themselves. And the Bible calls this slander which is a sin.

I’ve heard it said before that …“Unforgiveness is like drinking a poison and expecting someone else to die.” Finally, realize that you are only hurting yourself when you don’t forgive. In other words…if someone has hurt you, don’t allow them to continue to hurt you by giving them control over your own happiness, your own joy and your own peace of mind. Forgiveness is NOT for the other person, forgiveness is for YOU!

If you’re watching this on YouTube I’ve got some scripture passages in the comments section below that you can read that will help you


Additional scriptures on forgiveness:

Mark 11:25; Matthew 6:14-15; Eph. 4:32; Matthew 18:21-35; Col. 3:13; Matt. 5:23-24; Philemon

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Also if you want more on forgiveness please check out my full sermon on this topic on my website at http://www.allenparr.com/audio-sermons/freedom-through-forgiveness/