Love....is pain

Every time I saw you or thought of you, I burned. My God I burned and burned and burned. It was a flame kept in close proximity to my heart so I carried it with me everyday, every damning moment it lay with me scorching my heart til it screamed for escape.
It was a pain more agonizing than hatred or betrayal. Actual no, my soul betrays me the very moment it throbs and shivers whenever I'm in your presence.
And by GOD I want to hate you! I want to hate you like how the devil hates the heavens. He must've loved the heavens once, but now despises how it sits so far above him and how he could never ever reach it. So he hates it.
But I can never hate you...I just can't. So instead I look in the mirror and I substitute you for me.
Everyday I wish for the pain...this torment to end. For my heart to finally end its ever burning despair caused by that truly terrible thing that has plagued me day in and day out since my eyes first met yours. That terrible thing is love. That terrible spiteful thing unto my very being is love.
Let me just say, had I known that this is what it would be like to love the day we crossed paths I would've turned around and never looked back. I would've danced and sung of things filled with joy because then I would know how lucky I was to have never met you.
Please....I do not want to endure this. For a time I thought it was worth it, I thought you were worth waiting an eternity for, worth fighting for, worth living for....not anymore. How many scars did I justify because I loved the person holding the knife. How many nights did I wake up from bed sweating out of breath, because I realized even in my deepest of dreams that you weren't lying there next to me.
How many times have I looked at an empty swing and felt this ache in my hands. You weren't there for me to push you.
I can't even breathe! Your scent finds its into my nose when your not even there! You drive me crazy, and not the kind of crazy people in healthy relationships like to talk about.
My Love for you is an infection, a disease that doesn't burn away, love drives me insane.
I don't want to fight this anymore. I don't want to hate this anymore. I don't want to feel this anymore. What has love brought me but pain.
I just want it to end. Let the fire you lit inside of me finally die. It isn't keeping me warm at night. Its feasting on my sanity and I can't let go. I will turn the fire you lit into embers and let it all fade into ashes forever.
All so I can finally...finally stop loving you.