Swipe left, swipe right: finding your soulmate in the Tinder era seems like a game, but it hides pitfalls and challenges that make the search for true love more difficult than ever. Cultural and technological transformations are redefining the way we seek and experience love. Instead of facilitating the connection, however, they seem to have made it more complicated and elusive.
The search for a partner, an unprecedented challenge
Don't object to evidence, the facts speak clearly: finding and maintaining a stable relationship today is more difficult than at any other time in history. Our expectations of our partner have become almost unrealistic: we want him to be our intellectual equal, the perfect co-parent, a phenomenal lover. Above all, a "temple" that collects our needs in an almost telepathic way, if possible fulfilling them in no time. I'm not saying that, huh? It's extensive research.
This combination of factors makes the search for a soul mate an almost impossible mission, especially in the age of dating apps like Tinder. But it is only part of the problem, Caesar's part: the one that depends on us. And if we give to Caesar what is Caesar's, we must also give to God what is God's. In this case it is the "God" of digital relationships, obviously. A Pagan God, and sometimes a paid one: apps, the modern Cupid.
The Paradox of choice on Tinder
You all know: Tinder and other dating apps offer seemingly endless possibilities, but this “paradox of choice” can be paralyzing. I call it the “Netflix effect”: the illusion of having unlimited options, and the disaffection that comes with it.
In reality we are witnessing two phenomena: first, our potential dates are limited and often superficial. For, while average relationship satisfaction has declined, happier couples appear to be an increasingly rare exception. The new Cupid doesn't shoot love arrows: he fires a machine gun at us, and has made it harder to find true connection.
The importance of attachment "styles".
Another factor that complicates the search for a soul mate are attachment styles (or patterns), which reflect our childhood experiences with parents, or those who today we call caregivers but yesterday they were grandparents, uncles, family friends. The anxious or avoidant style, for example, it influences how we relate to our partner as adults. Good: that is, bad.
Tinder and other apps apparently make terrible caregivers: they seem to favor dysfunctional attachment patterns, making it even more difficult to create deep and lasting bonds.
I have covered several scenarios on the topic and highlighted the mistakes to avoid to not fall "victim" to Tinder and the paradox of choice in this article on Futuro Prossimo. If you're interested, read it and let me know!
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