All jobs are demanding at times, and it's often the boss's responsibility to get her staff to rise to the occasion--but some bosses go too far by putting excessive pressure on their employees.
“An overly demanding boss might require you to work beyond the regular schedule even when the volume of work does not require it; he might insist on extra reporting that never even gets read; order lots of 'special projects'; or want to approve every decision you make,” says Rita Friedman, a Philadelphia-based career coach and resume writer.
Ryan Kahn, a career coach, founder of The Hired Group, star of MTV’s Hired, and author of Hired! The Guide for the Recent Grad, agrees. He says an overly demanding boss is someone who sets extremely high standards and expectations on work deliverables or goals, which may be unrealistic or unsustainable. “If you find your project list growing and changing rapidly and performance targets increasing, you just may have an overly demanding boss.”
An overly demanding boss doesn’t empathize or understand what’s required for you to deliver results, and he will keep pushing you until you take action, adds Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant; How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job.
"Demanding bosses give you unreasonable deadlines, are not in tune with the hours it takes to meet objectives, won’t take the time to find out in advance what’s reasonable, can display little interest in your well-being, have trouble prioritizing, and give you little recognition when you do complete Herculean tasks,” she says. “They may not take the time to see if you have the tools or information you need to accomplish your assignments, and can make themselves unapproachable so that your only option seems to be: just do it.”
Why might a boss act this way? A desire to control everything; fear for his or her own job status; a yearning for perfection; or a sense of entitlement, Taylor says. “Whatever the root cause, these types of bosses are often like unruly toddlers who act as if the world really does revolve around them. Asking nicely doesn’t always occur to these bosses, and so the onus is on you to break your silence and be the voice of reason.”
An overly demanding boss can be extremely difficult to work with, and his behavior might cause a spike in stress levels, and a decline in morale and productivity.
“While a little bit of pressure can inspire workers to rise to the challenge, people who work for overly demanding bosses usually feel frustrated that their efforts are not rewarded, and as a result, they are unlikely to continue to pump out high quality work,” Friedman says. “A bad boss can also cause co-workers to turn against each other as they try to appease management, and there's a big difference between healthy competition and infighting in the workplace.”
This type of exacting boss is likely to be an overbearing micromanager. “Not only does this take a toll on workers' morale and the overall office environment, but it can actually have the opposite of the intended effect: When employees are constantly being pressured to perform at an unsustainable level or required to run every action through a higher-up, productivity tends to drop off. It's also common to find that overly demanding bosses end up having high-turnover workplaces, and when team members quit or are driven out, it puts even more of a burden on the remaining staff, which leads to even more employee burnout.”
Suzana Simic, manager of career services at Computer Systems Institute, adds: “Overly demanding bosses seem to regard their employees as dispensable commodities, rather than assets. With that being said, it can be extremely difficult to help solve a problem or prevent one from occurring when an employee feels bogged down by their overly demanding boss.” Employees of an overly demanding boss may also feel as though nothing they accomplish is ever enough, she says. “When an overly demanding boss comes into the room, the employees’ demeanor changes to one filled with stress and apprehension. Employees become weighed down with ‘pleasing’ the overly demanding boss, and they may create errors based on trying to be perfect.”
Another possible outcome: You may be more upset with yourself than you are with your boss because you’re caught between the conflict of wanting to perform and avoid appearing incompetent – and upsetting your boss by speaking up, Taylor says. “It’s bothersome because you feel you can’t ignite confrontation and ask for reasonable expectations. You may fear retaliation, passive-aggressive fallout, loss of job status or exciting projects, or even being terminated, which is a conundrum, until you muster the ability to face the problem head-on.”
Eventually the inner conflict you have with an overly demanding boss can consume you; it detracts from you doing your best work. “You end up with the double whammy of an intense workload, combined with a behavioral clash, sinking your productivity. Overbearing, insensitive bosses are counterproductive to the very goal they seek: more output from you.”
Kahn says though overly demanding bosses may be impatient, overly direct, and even intimidating; are not likely to accept excuses on missing deadlines or goals; and may even have a high churn rate through their staff as they search for individuals who can meet their high expectations -- working for an overly demanding boss is not always a bad thing. “In many cases, these are high-performing individuals who are moving quickly up the corporate ladder. They set high expectations for their team since they have high expectations for themselves. While working with an overly demanding boss may be challenging, it also has the potential to be an incredible learning experience. The key to success is learning to how to manage up with this personality type.”
Taylor says if you don’t learn how to manage up with a demanding boss, you will suffer the consequences of never feeling that your work is satisfactory. “The quality and quantity of your deliverables will decline, and so will your self-esteem,” she says. “You must learn how to bravely and clearly communicate the details of your assignments so that your boss is more aware. You cannot assume that your boss understands the hours associated with assignments. These bosses must be made aware of the importance of priorities and your human limits. Most importantly, you must take the initiative in creating mutually agreeable expectations.”
Here are 10 tips for dealing with an overly demanding boss:
Don’t take it personally. A demanding boss is focused on delivering results to his or her boss, not on the negative fallout you may feel that your work is never enough, Taylor says. 
“Study how other team members react and you’ll likely see that your boss is consistently an over-achiever or expects others to be.”
Simic agrees. “Realize that an overly demanding boss may have their own overly demanding boss looming over them. Don’t take things personally.”
Consider why your boss is being so demanding. Is it just a personality issue, or is there pressure from even higher up to meet certain objectives? “This can make a difference in how you approach the situation,” Friedman says.
Kahn concurs. He says it’s important to “read the room.” If your boss is also working to meet a goal or juggling multiple deadlines, make sure you’re being sensitive to that in your interactions. “Provide high-level updates on what they need to know and avoid chitchat unless they initiate.”
Don’t be a punching bag. “Don’t keep taking lumps with a smile on your face, be a martyr, or take responsibility for things that are out of your control,” Taylor says. “Your boss has invested time in you, so you have leverage in letting him know the ramifications of his work style. You have the needed skills set, are relied upon and know the company culture. If you’re performing well, it’s expensive and time-consuming to replace you. Keep that in mind when you are ready to approach your boss.”
Gently confront the boss. “Approach your boss with a calm, professional, rational style,” Taylor says. “Don’t get caught up in the hysteria and try to keep a sense of humor to simmer any existing tension.” A little levity can go a long way in disarming a tense, demanding boss. And a lot of your success also depends on the delivery and timing of your discussion.
Listen and repeat. Make sure you are always listening carefully, as ideas and directions may come quickly, Kahn suggests. “If you’re unsure about anything, ask clarifying questions. At the end of your meetings, repeat back the deliverables that you are responsible for to make sure you are on the same page.” And you never know: When the boss hears you rattle off your responsibilities, he might realize how unreasonable his expectations really are.
Set mutual expectations and priorities. “When your boss gives you an assignment, review where it sits on the priority list; give an estimate of how long it will take and what, if anything, you need to complete it,” Taylor says. Offer a reality check on how a new assignment affects your other ones and the potential for other missed deadlines. “Come to an agreement before you run off and find yourself in a hodgepodge of unreasonable tasks.”
Stay positive. Your sense of calm and commitment to delivering the best results will be appreciated, and help coach your boss in a better direction, Taylor says.
Be a problem-solver, not a problem-maker. If you’re going to miss deadlines, raise your hand early on. Come prepared to present your boss with potential solutions to show that you have the same sense of urgency as they do about projects, Kahn says. “If you encounter obstacles to completing a project, also bring these to your boss with potential solutions. They may not be the right solution, but this type of boss will appreciate your effort to help solve.”
Friedman says if there's a corporate-level goal your boss is trying to attain, it may make more sense to try to figure out alternate ways of reaching that target. “She may even know that what the company is asking for is unreasonable, and may appreciate the extra help in brainstorming ways to boost productivity. If you have some ideas on ways to improve workflow or encourage the team to ramp up performance, approach your boss with sympathy, and offer your suggestions in a spirit of cooperation. The goal is probably less about getting credit for your ideas than getting a better working environment out of it.”
Use positive reinforcement. Praise your boss when you see the behavior you strive for, like planning ahead together, and ensuring that your goals and deadlines are reasonable and aligned, Taylor suggests. “Say something like, ‘I appreciated that you understood that we’d have to push back the XYZ project by a couple of days to tackle this new initiative.’”
Celebrate successes. Be sure to flag your successes for your boss, Kahn says. “Since they are so focused on reaching goals, they may inadvertently miss some of your achievements. They will appreciate you flagging these since, at the end of the day, your success is also their success.”
Taylor says you can do this by creating regular status reports. “Your manager will better understand your behind-the-scenes work if you detail it out in regular e-mails,” she says. “This will show your boss how productive you are and what it takes. Don’t overdue and risk looking like you’re in over your head. You don’t want your report to run for five pages every other day, or you’ll appear confrontational and passive aggressive. Be factual and concise so your boss can focus and prioritize.”
“Some bosses have been taught that being very demanding is the only way to get results, from prior jobs or the current one,” Taylor concludes. “It might be a management culture. That doesn’t mean you should mimic the style with your own team. Instead, role model the person you want your demanding manager to be by clearly describing workflow and priorities. You’ll do yourself, your boss, and others a big favor.”
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