There was once a girl and a boy. A very special girl and boy. Growing up they survived certain hardships that have molded in them a decision to do something that would change their lives forever. They wanted or needed to kill a man. Yes. For different reasons each needed to end the life of the one who is responsible for their pain. But they were both reluctant. Indecisive. Well old enough to date and know exactly where babies come from, they knew the clear cut differences between right and wrong, good and evil.
Indeed they knew it well enough to question it. They saw the lines between, the grey morality of life. Conflicted, many times they wrestled with the idea of ending not just this life in particular but taking a life in general.
The girl had once said "I want to do it. But who are we to take a life?"
The boy replied "I know. Who are we to weigh the heart, judge the soul and find it guilty."
"But if not us, then who? The girl questioned. "He is guilty! He deserves what he gets and yet...can we really do it? Should we do it?"
Shrugging the boy says "I don't know. But I know that I want to."
Fisting her hands tight at her sides the girl says "I know I need to."
Girl and Boy were both burning with a single question. "Should or shouldn't they?" With no one to help answer it.
For a year and a day, still they were undecided. Finally though, threw fate or chance ,or something else entirely had caused each to be confronted by two impossible strangers.
People they each knew immediately upon sight could answer their question. The girl ran into a man. The boy a woman.
The woman and man were both unique amongst the masses of society because both were wolves in a world over populated with sheep and dogs not strong enough to be what they truly were. Both had ended lives. Each for different reasons, different convictions.
And so first there was the girl who had asked the man. "What should I do? Tell me now." Her eyes were just as urgent and insistent as her voice when she said this.
Smiling a wry grin the stranger said. "Aren't you in a hurry." He pulled out a pack of Newports with a lighter. Drinking in drafts of smoke from a now lite cigarette he started to speak. Though it was not at all the answer to her question.
"You know, everyone has a demon or two...or three. Riding on our backs giving us grief or pleasure. Do you know what the difference is between a sinner and a saint?"
Frowning, confused at his off topic question the girl shrugged and said "Ones good, the others bad."
"Its so much more than that my dear". The man chuckled darkly and continued. "A saint is no different than a sinner in that they are both human and are thus tempted. Except for one thing. One locks her demons away, while the other keeps hers leashed."
A shiver passes threw the girl. "Leashed?" She asked
"O yes." Replies the man as he steps closer to her. Close enough to smell the cheap cologne, close enough to not care about the color of his eyes but instead the intent behind them. Close enough to watch his hands..just in case.
"When you have your demons leashed you can pull back on the reins and control yourself and them to an extent. Or you could let go. And when you let them loose they pull pieces of you with them. All the parts that would get all that you want done to simply be done."
Steeling herself, the girl pushed hard onto the mans chest. Pushing him away. Teeth gritted she asked "Is that what you do then?" Grinning the man replied "Maybe." Relieving the pressure between them the sinner-man moved farther away from the girl. Blew out a puff of smoke and just starred at her. Strangely enough, sadness colored his gaze as he said. "Just remember kid. Each one of us is greater than the worst thing we've ever done. If you do this remember that. Its a hard life to live when you do something thats against your better nature. I've seen regret drag many down into ruin. So if you do this regret nothing, and move on."
It felt like a battering ram slammed into her gut and a bucket of cold water splashed onto her senses. A few minutes of silence helped her regain herself and she asked. "You still didn't answer my question." She suspected that in a way he already had. But she needed more. She needed an answer that was as real as the shoes she walked in.
The man laughed under his breath turned around and started to walk away. The girl eyed him closely as he shrunk farther and farther into the distance. Before passing a corner out of site the man turned around. Looked her in the eyes with the gaze of a man who's ended more lives than he cared to tell. He mouth a single word. The answer to her question. One she knew, just knew was the answer she'd been looking for.
When the boy met the woman he could see in her eyes something shadowed and sharp with years of experience that only living a hard life could teach you. She had the eyes he had been looking for. Eyes that had seen the light fade from another's time and time again.
He asked, no begged her. "Please...please tell me. What should I do?". Looking the boy up and down the woman asked in a matter of fact tone. "Do you hate this man? The one you want dead, and does he truly deserve to die?"
"Yes and yes." The boy said heat in his tone. He breathed harder, his heart beated faster upon answering and his hands curled into hard fists. He knew what he wanted.
Moving her arms outward the woman said "Then why am I here?"
Head bowed the boy could not speak. His head was weighed down with shame.
The woman saw this and put a hand on his. Softly she said. "You have morals don't you."
Blushing the boy pulled his hand away embarrassed. Smiling the woman said "Do not be embarrassed. You are no less a man for feeling conflicted."
Pulling his chin up to meet her gaze she said. "Do you know what the difference is between a murderer and a killer?" Confused the boy said "What difference could there be? They are one in the same. Just two different names to classify the act of ending a life."
No longer smiling the woman said. "You have much to understand if your going to go threw with this. So, young man." Leaning forward the hard edge of experience in her gaze landed on his. "Listen carefully, because it is not even close to being that simple.
Literally at the edge of his seat the boy waited ready to listen and learn. A student at the feet of a master.
She continued "Taking a life for selfish reasons, for greed, vanity, or pride or just hatred in general. To take a life without reservations for anyone but yourself. That is murder.
To kill however is to protect. When a soldier goes to war do you expect him to murder the enemy? They go to protect their homeland. They kill in service to something bigger than any one individual.
When a mother sees that a home invader found his way upstairs to where her children sleeps. She goes prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her children. Whatever it takes."
Swallowing hard the boy mulled over what the woman had to say. He looked back to her and said.
"Okay, I understand." Cocking her head like a bird of prey she asked. "Do you?" She stood then and made ready to leave.
Before she did she looked down at him and said. "A hunter can take the life of a deer. Is he a murderer?"
The boy contemplated. Taking his time before he answered. "It depends." he said. "On what?" She asked. The boy stood up as well and steadied his eyes to hers as well as he could manage. "Intent. If he took its life for food he's simply a killer. If he took it for the pleasure of taking it then its murder."
The woman smiled. "Very good." without a word she started to walk away as if everything they'd spoke on hadnt happened. But then she stopped. Turned around and said.
"A crack, a fissure, a fracture of the soul is needed for one to commit murder. At the moment of the kill you have to break a piece of yourself that would once have been called innocence.
A murderer is a thief of the most important priceless things you can imagine. A murderer steals life. They steal second chances, they steal moments that could've been. Ask yourself in earnest, if taking this life you so want would make you a killer or a murderer."
On that very day the Boy and Girl saw each other again. Both had their answer but only one of them made their choice.
The boy and girl looked in each others eyes and in doing so felt, more than saw a certain passion brimming in them. The boys eyes shown in them a burning ache for justice to be done. The girls eyes reflected in them the cold thirst of vengeance yet to be acquired.
No one could say who's conviction or reason right then was strongest or even right. The next day the man they both so hated was indeed finally dead. At who's hands I really could not say. That is for you to decide.
And so first there was the girl who had asked the man. "What should I do? Tell me now." Her eyes were just as urgent and insistent as her voice when she said this.
Smiling a wry grin the stranger said. "Aren't you in a hurry." He pulled out a pack of Newports with a lighter. Drinking in drafts of smoke from a now lite cigarette he started to speak. Though it was not at all the answer to her question.
"You know, everyone has a demon or two...or three. Riding on our backs giving us grief or pleasure. Do you know what the difference is between a sinner and a saint?"
Frowning, confused at his off topic question the girl shrugged and said "Ones good, the others bad."
"Its so much more than that my dear". The man chuckled darkly and continued. "A saint is no different than a sinner in that they are both human and are thus tempted. Except for one thing. One locks her demons away, while the other keeps hers leashed."
A shiver passes threw the girl. "Leashed?" She asked
"O yes." Replies the man as he steps closer to her. Close enough to smell the cheap cologne, close enough to not care about the color of his eyes but instead the intent behind them. Close enough to watch his hands..just in case.
"When you have your demons leashed you can pull back on the reins and control yourself and them to an extent. Or you could let go. And when you let them loose they pull pieces of you with them. All the parts that would get all that you want done to simply be done."
Steeling herself, the girl pushed hard onto the mans chest. Pushing him away. Teeth gritted she asked "Is that what you do then?" Grinning the man replied "Maybe." Relieving the pressure between them the sinner-man moved farther away from the girl. Blew out a puff of smoke and just starred at her. Strangely enough, sadness colored his gaze as he said. "Just remember kid. Each one of us is greater than the worst thing we've ever done. If you do this remember that. Its a hard life to live when you do something thats against your better nature. I've seen regret drag many down into ruin. So if you do this regret nothing, and move on."
It felt like a battering ram slammed into her gut and a bucket of cold water splashed onto her senses. A few minutes of silence helped her regain herself and she asked. "You still didn't answer my question." She suspected that in a way he already had. But she needed more. She needed an answer that was as real as the shoes she walked in.
The man laughed under his breath turned around and started to walk away. The girl eyed him closely as he shrunk farther and farther into the distance. Before passing a corner out of site the man turned around. Looked her in the eyes with the gaze of a man who's ended more lives than he cared to tell. He mouth a single word. The answer to her question. One she knew, just knew was the answer she'd been looking for.
When the boy met the woman he could see in her eyes something shadowed and sharp with years of experience that only living a hard life could teach you. She had the eyes he had been looking for. Eyes that had seen the light fade from another's time and time again.
He asked, no begged her. "Please...please tell me. What should I do?". Looking the boy up and down the woman asked in a matter of fact tone. "Do you hate this man? The one you want dead, and does he truly deserve to die?"
"Yes and yes." The boy said heat in his tone. He breathed harder, his heart beated faster upon answering and his hands curled into hard fists. He knew what he wanted.
Moving her arms outward the woman said "Then why am I here?"
Head bowed the boy could not speak. His head was weighed down with shame.
The woman saw this and put a hand on his. Softly she said. "You have morals don't you."
Blushing the boy pulled his hand away embarrassed. Smiling the woman said "Do not be embarrassed. You are no less a man for feeling conflicted."
Pulling his chin up to meet her gaze she said. "Do you know what the difference is between a murderer and a killer?" Confused the boy said "What difference could there be? They are one in the same. Just two different names to classify the act of ending a life."
No longer smiling the woman said. "You have much to understand if your going to go threw with this. So, young man." Leaning forward the hard edge of experience in her gaze landed on his. "Listen carefully, because it is not even close to being that simple.
Literally at the edge of his seat the boy waited ready to listen and learn. A student at the feet of a master.
She continued "Taking a life for selfish reasons, for greed, vanity, or pride or just hatred in general. To take a life without reservations for anyone but yourself. That is murder.
To kill however is to protect. When a soldier goes to war do you expect him to murder the enemy? They go to protect their homeland. They kill in service to something bigger than any one individual.
When a mother sees that a home invader found his way upstairs to where her children sleeps. She goes prepared to do whatever it takes to protect her children. Whatever it takes."
Swallowing hard the boy mulled over what the woman had to say. He looked back to her and said.
"Okay, I understand." Cocking her head like a bird of prey she asked. "Do you?" She stood then and made ready to leave.
Before she did she looked down at him and said. "A hunter can take the life of a deer. Is he a murderer?"
The boy contemplated. Taking his time before he answered. "It depends." he said. "On what?" She asked. The boy stood up as well and steadied his eyes to hers as well as he could manage. "Intent. If he took its life for food he's simply a killer. If he took it for the pleasure of taking it then its murder."
The woman smiled. "Very good." without a word she started to walk away as if everything they'd spoke on hadnt happened. But then she stopped. Turned around and said.
"A crack, a fissure, a fracture of the soul is needed for one to commit murder. At the moment of the kill you have to break a piece of yourself that would once have been called innocence.
A murderer is a thief of the most important priceless things you can imagine. A murderer steals life. They steal second chances, they steal moments that could've been. Ask yourself in earnest, if taking this life you so want would make you a killer or a murderer."
On that very day the Boy and Girl saw each other again. Both had their answer but only one of them made their choice.
The boy and girl looked in each others eyes and in doing so felt, more than saw a certain passion brimming in them. The boys eyes shown in them a burning ache for justice to be done. The girls eyes reflected in them the cold thirst of vengeance yet to be acquired.
No one could say who's conviction or reason right then was strongest or even right. The next day the man they both so hated was indeed finally dead. At who's hands I really could not say. That is for you to decide.
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