Today When I Wake Up

Today when I wake up
Within seconds I know if my PTSD brain is active,
Has it been a bad dream or rerun to one of those war zones
Will a control, alt, delete be necessary for the days reset
Or is today one of those few special pearls
When I will feel almost normal
Even if today is good I am fragile
Just a comment, a trigger or though away from that darkness
If I start out poor
The day is trying to lift myself
Voices in my head, ringing in the ears
Avoiding impatience, anger and anxiety,
halfway through the day I am done,
My current life seems to be a contradiction.

I am able to take solace mostly
With the reminder that this life is temporary.
Now for a short while we must persevere.
And commit our thoughts and days
to someone much greater than me
If I ask God to sustain me he will, he understands,
four days and four nights without food, support or companionship,
In the presence of him who seeks to destroy
His depression was great, carrying the unrighteousness of an entire world
Yet he stayed the course and won
I must continue in the strength of his accomplishment
And run the race and attain the goal set out for me
Oh how I long to be in the presence of him who died for all men
But for now each moment must be guided by
An inexpressible, unexplainable remembrance and hope
Of what awaits for me!